| Rassie and the White House dimension I AM ASSAILED by doubt and apprehension. The White House is in turmoil, scene of a witch-hunt to discover who of President Trump's senior officials had the temerity to take on the role of "Deep Throat" in the investigation by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in the Watergate affair. And, just as Woodward publishes a similar expose of chaos in the White House, a senior official has had the temerity to write what we in the trade call an "op-ed piece" in the New York Times, unsigned, more or less confirming it all. My foreboding stems from the fact that the op-ed piece seems to coincide in many ways with an e-mail I sent to Springbok coach Rassie Erasmus. Much of the imagery is the same. I used the term "lodestar" – much favoured by Vice-President Pence – to describe the guiding principle of rugby, which is also known as ADP (agter die pale). I described the principle of a throw-in to the back of the line-out when virtually on one's own tryline as being on a par with the chaos we keep reading about in the White House. Could it be that I hit the wrong button and sent my advice to Rassie Erasmus to the New York Times instead? That there's been a great misunderstanding? That, edited down, it's what has driven Trump into a rage? That there is no "Deep Throat" culprit in the White House team? Gee fellers, if it's my fault I'm sorry. I was only trying to help Rassie. Meanwhile, the furore in Washington continues. The New Yorker reports that Donald Trump found a sign above the Oval Office door reading: reading "Entering Crazytown, USA". According to White House insiders, determining the creator of the sign could prove difficult, because White House staffers do use the word "Crazytown" to describe their work environment." "'Whoever put that sign on my door has committed treason against the United States,' Trump told reporters, before turning away and revealing that someone had put a post-it reading 'President Stupidpants' on his back." Yes, it's satirist Andy Borowits again. Hoo boy! · THE Guinness Book of World Records has just released its 2019 edition. According to Huffington Post, record-holders include: · Rolf Bucholz, of Dortmund, Germany, with 516 body modifications - tattoos and implants, including two knob-like horns on his forehead. · Ash Randall of Cardiff, Wales, who controlled a soccer ball with his feet while lying on his back on the roof of a moving car for 93 seconds. · Josh Horton, who balanced a guitar on his forehead for 7 minutes, 3.9 seconds. · A Malaysian cat named Bibi who balanced nine dice on his paw. · Kevin Strahle, who ate nine powdered donuts in 60 seconds. · Betty Goedhart, of Escondido, California, who at 85 is the world's oldest performing trapeze artist. · Barry John Crowe, a butcher in Cavern, Ireland, who made 78 sausages in a minute. · Fox terrier Jessica and her human, Rachael Grylls, skipped 59 times together on the same skipping rope. Yes, great fun and all very sensible, to be sure.
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Ian Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, pens some lines to capture the national angst over the Springbok performance Down Under.
Rassie faces the ultimate test,
Off on Saturday to face the best;
The awesome Kiwis,
Not lonely Pee Wees;
We need to play with brains and zest.
I'll say!
Tailpiece
THEY met in the local bean restaurant. It was instant inflatulation.
Last word
The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.
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