Sunday, September 30, 2018

The Idler, Thursday, September 27, 2018

Razzle like

an octopus,

man …

AMERICAN neuroscientists have discovered that when you give an octopus a dose of ecstasy - the so-called "party drug" - it behaves exactly like our human ravers.

The scientists at Johns Hopkins University administered the drug to octopi, at which they became instant swingers, according to Huffington Post. They left their dark, solitary crevices in the rocks to seek out the opposite sex and the strobe lights and go-go-go!

The scientists find this remarkable, suggesting that in spite of our 500 million years of divergent evolution, humans and octopi could share some very ancient neurotransmitters.

This is just as fascinating to anyone who has frequented the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties, here in Durban, where, in fighting off the amorous advances of the damsels, it seems they do indeed have the grappling capabilities of an eight-armed creature.

Could it be that Guinness has the same qualities of arousal as ecstasy?

Those Johns Hopkins fellows would do well to extend their research out here – grapple with a real human octopus or two. It could yield several PhD theses of great benefit to science.


SIR Keir Starmer, the British Labour Party's shadow secretary for Brexit, got a standing ovation at his party's annual conference this week as he expressed support for a second referendum on the deal/no deal issue, with remaining in the EU one of the options.

At the same conference David Mallon, a young MP, argued just as strenuously against, describing the EU as a "capitalist club" – then walked across to hug leader Jeremy Corbyn (who presumably agrees).

So it seems Labour are just as divided over the issue as the Tories, where your position depends on whether you believe the Governor of the Bank of England or Boris Johnson.

The Brits are on a knife-edge. Either side could have a majority in the House of Commons. Will Brexit be stymied at the last minute?

Meanwhile, a scorpion has been caught on the third floor of the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Birmingham, where the Tories are to hold their conference in three days' time.

I knew it. Vladimir Putin has the place bugged.


STILL with politics, it's Hitler versus Lennin in an election for mayor in a small town in Peru.

Hitler Alba Sanchez is running against Lennin Vladimir Rodriguez Valverde in Yungar, in the Andes.

Peruvians like to give their children exotic names, according to Sky News, often unaware of the associations or of the correct spelling.

Sanchez insists that when he was named his dad actually knew nothing about Hitler and what he'd done. Valverde is silent on the Russian Revolution, dialectical materialism and Das Kapital.

All the same, here is an election that could have some zest if the protagonists were to read up a bit. "Lebensraum!" "Dictatorship of the Proletariat!" The posters could tell a story.

After all, the Peruvian populace would probably take such issues very seriously, high in the Andes mountains, if only they were brought to their attention.



There was a young lady of Kent,

Who said that she knew what it meant

When men asked her to dine,

Gave her cocktails and wine;

She knew what it meant but she went.


THE head waiter of a snooty restaurant recoils in disgust as a fellow in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approaches.

"Hey man, where's the jazz?"

"Go down the hall and turn left. When you come to a door marked 'Gentlemen', pay no attention – go right on in!"

Last word

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

WC Fields


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