Bunting goes on display
BRITISH Tory MP Sir Christopher Chope had an eye-catching array of bunting – women's knickers – strung above the doorway of his constituency office in Christchurch, Dorset, the other day.
According to Sky News, it was a protest against Sir Christopher's action in the House of Commons in blocking the progress of a private member's bill which would have outlawed the practice of "upskirting".
This means taking a photograph up a woman's skirt without her knowledge, something comparatively easy these days with smartphones and things.
The "without her knowledge" bit surely seems superfluous. Does the man exist who would have the temerity to tap a lady on the shoulder in a tube train, say, and ask if she would mind terribly if he photographed her panties?
Of course, upskirting is predatory, deplorable and insulting, highly distressing to the victims. I'm told it has spread from England to Scotland, where it's known as "upkilting" and is causing great distress among regiments such as the Black Watch, which are being preyed upon by lassies with cameras.
The Voyeurism (Offences) Bill, proposed by Liberal Democrat MP Wera Hobhouse and supported by several members of the cabinet including the prime minister, would have outlawed such activities but Sir Christopher stood up as it was introduced for its second reading in the Commons, saying:" I object!", sending things back to square one.
Does this mean Sir Christopher supports the practice of taking photographs up a woman's skirt? Apparently not. What he objects to is the process. The bill should have been properly discussed in advance, he says. His embarrassed Tory colleagues describe him as a "dinosaur".
Who strung the knickers across his office doorway? It was one of his constituents, Lorna Rees, who says:" No-one should be allowed to photograph my pants unless I want them to."
Again that question of permission. 'Tis weird and the whole thing is totally incomprehensible anyway to habitues of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties, where the gals are given to brandishing their knickers, especially on rugby days.
Ancient world
HERE'S a matter of international import, reaching back to the ancient world. Greece and Macedonia have been squabbling for years over the name "Macedonia".
Macedonia was the home turf of Alexander the Great, who went on to conquer Greece, Persia, part of India and Egypt – hence Alexandria. It was the greatest empire the ancient world ever knew.
But things unravelled after Alexander's death. Part of Macedonia went to the Balkans, eventually Yugoslavia. Part went to Greece. When Macedonia emerged as a sovereign state from the break-up of Yugoslavia, it found itself adjoining a Greek province also called Macedonia.
Neither side liked that. But at last Macedonia – the country – has agreed to be known at the UN and elsewhere as North Macedonia.
This sounds like an incomplete solution, like Northern Ireland and Ireland. It also reminds me of a contretemps I encountered in Britain.
Many years ago I applied for a work permit there. It was an exhausting process going from one department to the next, sliding bottoms along benches. The end stage was getting the permit booklet – like a mini-passport – from a kindly police sergeant.
"Son," he said. "It says 'ere you was born in Dundee. If you're born in Dundee you don't need a permit to work 'ere."
"It's a different Dundee, not Scotland."
"Where's this Dundee?"
"Northern Natal."
"'Ow d'you spell that?"
"N-a-t-a-l."
When I looked at the document, part of it read "Nationality: Northern Natal".
'Twas a lonely time being the only Northern Natalian in the world. Maybe I should have applied to join the United Nations.
It's too late now, but imagine a triple alliance of North Macedonia, Northern Ireland and Northern Natal, making itself felt at the UN.
Verra Scots
OUR local Dundee is, of course, very much Scots in origin, peopled originally by coal miners from the Old Country. Not far away is another town named Glencoe.
In the old days the local Zulus spoke English with a strong Scots accent because that was all they heard.
Today the Dundee Diehards are known for their colourful re-enactments of the Battle of Isandlwana, while the Talana museum nearby is a repository of items recalling the nearby first action of the Anglo-Boer War.
Tailpiece
WHAT'S furry, has whiskers and catches outlaws?
A posse cat.
Last word
All television is children's television.
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