Monday, June 4, 2018

The Idler, Monday, June 4, 2018

Rugby in Washington

CYMRU am byth – Wales forever! That's three times in a row now and it's beginning to feel like forever.

Saturday night's contrived encounter at the JFK stadium in Washington between two hastily assembled sides began with some dash and excitement – they seemed very evenly balanced – but then a kind of predictability set in and there was some most wayward kicking from either side. Wales seemed to get the ball through the hands quicker than our lads but there wasn't much in it.

It was a wet evening and not a huge crowd, in spite of all the hoopla. Has this boosted the game of rugby in the US, where they now have their own professional league? Rome wasn't built in a day.

England next. Let's get this one right.



INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener notes in his latest grumpy newsletter that an epidemic of amnesia and ill health seems to have broken out.

"Almost every state-owned enterprise (and not a few private ones as well) are hosting squads of investigators charged with finding out basically where the money went.

"Their task is made so much harder because there is an epidemic of amnesia and ill health amongst those who need to be interviewed about the strange cash flows. This represents a sad and dreadful misuse of skills that ought rather to be working on deals that will get people working and producing real stuff.

"Investigating how the cabinet minister's sister got to go shopping in Europe is so meaningless. The money is long gone and is never coming back."


It's a process


GEORGE Hutchison, of Kwambonambi, shares with us the process for a telephone call to a medical aid scheme.


Stage 1. You telephone the medical aid and a whispering foreign voice answers with: "Thank you for calling. Your call is important to us. On our brochure is a list of reference numbers. Please choose one and enter it plus your ID number and press hash

"Thank you. Please choose one of our 30 options and press the relevant button Thank you. All our lines are busy. Please wait for a consultant to answer"  - followed by at least 20 adverts on how this company can save you a fortune plus telling you how how important your call is.

After 20 minutes the voice that originally answered says: "You are going through now."

A wait. Another voice says: "My name is … How can I assist you?. Can you give me your reference number followed by your ID number?

This is done. The query is made.

Response: "This is the wrong department. Phone xxxxxxxxx1.

Stage 2 Phone xxxxxxxxx1. The same procedure as 1 above follows. It ends exactly as above but you are told to phone xxxxxxxxxx2

Stage 3. Phone xxxxxxxx2. This is a fax line.

Stage 4. Return to Stage 1. After choosing the relevant number to press, shout: "I hope this @#**^%##@ conversation is recorded!" Continue swearing for a while then slam the phone down

Stage 5. Consult an atlas to find out how far it is to drive to Cape Town as it would be less frustrating than another call to sort out your problem.

George should try the Nkandla party line. That's super-efficient.

Choc bars

NINE bars of chocolate that are 103 years old are to be auctioned in the UK. They belonged to Leicestershire Regiment soldier Richard Bullimore and were issued to the troops in the trenches on the first Christmas of World War I.

The chocolate bars are in a Colonies Gift Tin, which held 10, according to Sky News. Corporal Bullimore seems to have tried one but apparently didn't like chocolate.

The chocolate looks in extraordinarily good shape but so far nobody has volunteered to try it.

According to the auctioneers, the Colonies Gift Tin is itself a rarity. To find the chocolate still inside is "just unreal" says auctioneer Paul Cooper.

Corporal Bullimore survived the war, being awarded the DCM for conspicuous gallantry, and rejoined the Leicestershire Constabulary where he rose to the rank of Superintendent.

He never did get an urge to eat the rest of the chocolate.


SHE phones.

"The car's broken down."

"What's the problem?"

"Water in the carburettor."

"Where's the car?"

"In the river."

Last word

A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.

Bob Edwards

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