Shadow show drama
A FEATURE of my humble abode is an extra TV screen that appears on the wall of the sitting room during the dark watches of the night.
It is caused by spotlights illuminating the grounds of a church next door. This light comes through a window to create a rectangular patch of light on the opposite wall.
On its way the light encounters various bits of foliage, which creates a moving shadow show of palm fronds and other leaves as they shift in the wind. It's a not unattractive feature.
Then in the early hours the other morning I was startled awake by a sudden sound. And, among the fronds and foliage of my shadow show, was a human being.
Sure enough, a dude was on my second floor balcony, looking in through the window. Had he climbed up the drainpipe in a fit of absent-mindedness, or was he up to no good?
I'm afraid I rather jumped to conclusions. I yelled at him that I would kill him by shoving my hockey stick up his rectum. I nipped round the corner to fetch the hockey stick, but by the time I got back he'd gone.
The sound that woke me was, I think, his stumbling over my paddleski that is currently stored on the balcony.
Alas, in Cyril Ramaphosa's New Dawn it's still advisable to have a hockey stick to hand.
Ole, ole, ole!
SATURDAY'S game was not as thrilling as the previous week's but it was great, workmanlike Test rugby all the same. It puts the Boks Number 3 in the world rankings and is a great step-up to next year's World Cup.
Duane Vermeulen, Faf de Klerk and Willie le Roux – all playing in Europe – were again outstanding. Part of the World Cup build-up ought to be an audit of just what talent the Boks have available from overseas.
Great grumpiness
THE latest newsletter of investment analyst Dr James Greener is positively suffused with grumpiness.
On copper exports:
"Despite not mining very much of this metal, it is reported that South Africa is one of the world's leading exporters of copper. The suggestion is that the supply comes from the large-scale cable theft that plagues the nation, in particular the railways who use miles of wiring to connect their signalling systems.
"If true, this is astonishing and hints that, like so much crime taking place such as cash heists, it is suspected that corrupt and criminal officialdom is playing a role."
On Eskom:
"There isn't a single metric that doesn't confirm that Eskom employees are enormously overpaid and, worse still, that the organisation is massively overstaffed. Reportedly, far too few of these employees have much of a clue about electricity generation and distribution.
"And yet they are on strike in support of a large pay rise. This stayaway has triggered load-shedding, the polite and non-threatening term for power cuts, which happened in parts of the country just as soccer fans opened the first beer and began a month of hurling advice and invective at their TVs. Poor timing if they seek sympathy."
On the Football World Cup:
"Zabivaka is the name of the official Football World Cup mascot. Supposedly a cool and friendly character with 'shades' pushed back onto his head, on inspection he is still a wolf with more than a passing resemblance to President Putin."
On the Trump-Kim Jong-un meeting:
"President Trump's diplomatic dance in Singapore with the bizarrely coiffed top man in North Korea has set off a firestorm of opinion, ridicule and praise. Some are even suggesting a Nobel Peace Prize is in order.
"But the real award should be an Oscar for the choreographer who staged the dramatic peace march of the two peacemakers through matching facing colonnades to the meeting spot. Such theatre!"
More Eskom
A COMMUNIQUE from Eskom is doing the rounds:
"We have good news and bad news.
"The bad news is that the s*** is going to hit the fan.
"The good news is that the fan will not be on because we have load-shedding from 8 to 3."
Is this genuine?
Tailpiece
WHY is the ocean restless?
Well, wouldn't you be restless with crabs all over your bottom?
Last word
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers space is finite. This is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they left things. – Woody Allen
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