Saturday, June 30, 2018

The Idler, Thuirsday, June 21, 2018

Stadiums of the future

RUSSIA has built some splendid stadiums for the current Football World Cup. State of the art sports architecture. But what will they use them for when it's over?

Every few years it happens. Huge, unaffordable stadiums are built in various countries. There's fun and games for a few weeks, then the hangover. What do you do with these massifs?

One hears that in South America at least one has been converted into a jail. Others have become shelters for the homeless. Is this really what the host countries had in mind?

Take our Moses Mabhida stadium which today languishes at enormous cost as a venue for club soccer and little else. The playing field is too small even for T20 cricket and it's totally unsuitable for rugby because the oval seating makes it impossible to discern the gain line.

It could become a mother ship to flying saucers, but so far nothing has come of the city's marketing attempts in that direction.

And every time there's another Football World Cup, somewhere the cycle of futility is repeated. The host country revels in its moment of braggadocio, then spends decades picking up the tab and trying to find a use for its silent, empty stadiums.

This was a topic of conversation the other evening in a hostelry in Florida Road when – bingo! – a shaft of genius from a certain individual.

Why not build portable football stadiums, he said. Make a rubber replica of Moses Mabhida, say, pump it full of compressed air and – voila! – you've got a stadium. Then when the tournament is over, you let out the air, pack the rubber into a trailer and tow it to the next big event.

It's an idea that is breathtaking in its scope. Portable football stadiums for South America, Europe – wherever the World Cup beckons.

Stand by for Florida Road Air Stadiums Inc. And remember where you read it first.

Tremor

MEANWHILE, football fans in Mexico set off a minor earth tremor as they jumped up and down in excitement as their team beat Germany in the World Cup match in Russia.

Thousands had gathered to watch a giant TV screen in Mexico City. As Hirving Lozano scored the winning goal, a seismic monitoring agency pickerd up the tremor.Simmsa.

"The earthquake detected in Mexico City originated artificially," the agency, Simmsa, said. "Possibly by massive jumps during the goal of Mexico in the World Cup."

At least two sensors detected the tremor.

 

Pence offer

DONALD Trump's meeting with North Korea's Kim Jong-un continues to yield results.

According to the New Yorker, Trump has unilaterally offered to let Kim have Vice-President Mike Pence as his personal manservant.

The offer reportedly came after Kim spoke glowingly to Trump about the Vice-President's obsequiousness.

"Even by North Korean standards, Pence puts my toadies to shame," Kim reportedly said.

"At least Trump didn't give away much this time," one diplomat said of the deal.

Yes, this is that scamp satirist Andy Borowitz at it again. It's difficult these days for satirists to stay ahead of what's actually happening.


Reunion

A ROUTINE traffic stop in New Jersey, in the US, turned into an extraordinary reunion.

 

New Jersey State Trooper Michael Patterson stopped Matthew Bailly in Kingwood Township for having tinted windows.

Bailly told Patterson he himself was retired from the Piscataway police force. That piqued Patterson's interest since Piscatawy is his home town. They got chatting

When Patterson mentioned the street he grew up on, Bailly remembered delivering a baby there as a rookie cop 27 years ago and remembered the style of the house and that the baby was named Michael.

Then Patterson extended his hand and introduced himself formally. "My name is Michael Patterson, sir," he told Bailly. "Thank you for delivering me."

The two took a photo together at the scene of the traffic stop. Patterson later brought his mother to Bailly's home, where the two cops took another photo. Both pictures, along with the story, were posted on Facebook by the New Jersey State Police.

They let Bailly off on the tinted windows rap, telling him to get new, clear glass.

 

Tailpiece

SHE was complaining the other night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...

 

Last word

The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come.

Peter Ustinov

 

 

 

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