| It's a knock-out IN AMERICA they open the baseball season with the first pitch being delivered by a skydiver. But in a match in Missouri between the Hannibal Cavemen and Terre Haute Rex, the skydiver unfortunately misjudged his landing and knocked out the guy who was waiting to take strike (of the more conventional sort). Mattingly Romanin, a shortstop for the Hannibal Cavemen, had his Oakley sunglasses smashed and got a gash beside the eye. But he was soon up and about. Twenty20 cricket clearly still has much to learn from baseball. There's the nomenclature, for one. The name Hannibal Cavemen tops anything to be found in the IPL. Then lovely touches like that first pitch being delivered by a skydiver. Why not something equivalent in Twenry20? Why not let a belly dancer deliver the first ball from a Harley-Davidson racing up to the crease? It would be not all that different from what's already happening at these games – dancing girls and fireworks every time a boundary is scored or a wicket falls.. Let's get away from the stodginess of regular cricket. You gotta draw the punters, you gotta move on. Knickers A POSTSCRIPT to Wimbledon – Peter Quantock, of Empangeni, notes that white clothing is now the order of the day. Rodger Federer even had to replace his yellow-soled tennis shoes. But what about the women and their knickers, on view frequently this year as the girls took regular tumbles? "They all seem to wear either black, red, blue or green knickers." Well, at least they're wearing 'em. Superbly sibilant EARLIER this week we discussed the claim by a Count Nicholas Czardas that he is a proud old boy of Chelmsford College, in KwaZulu-Natal. The problem is, there's no such institution. Reader Ralph Barnes now tells us there once was a Chelmsford School – pronounced "Chompsfid" - here in Durban. It was in the hall of the Congregational Church, on the corner of Berea and Musgrave Roads, and was demolished when Berea Road gave way to Kinmont's Canyon. He was a pupil there in the early 50s and learned to count under the tuition of a headmistress, "the superbly sibilant Miss Sissons." But he does not remember any count as a pupil. No, it seems unlikely that the count had in mind Ralph's Chompsfid – superbly sibilant Miss Sissons and all. It seems much more likely he's having us on about Chelmsford College. Ducks and drakes READER Ernie Robbertse notes that on e-TV the other night, subtitles to footage on royal parents William and Catherine called them the Dutch and Dutchess of Cambridge Yes and the SABC once called Prince Phillip the Duck of Edenburg. Fisticuffs? YESTERDAY we speculated that rising tensions between Michaelhouse and Durban Girls' College over the number of rugby Springboks each has produced could lead to a bout of fisticuffs. Reader Andrew Brown responds thus: "As a Maritzburg College supporter, I'd put a tenner on Durban Girls' College to come out on top." Airport stats PETER Davies sends in some interesting statistics for June derived, he says, from electronic full body scans at OR Tambo Airport, Johannesburg. Here goes: | |
| Terrorists discovered – 0; transvestites – 133; hernias – 1 485; haemorrhoid cases – 3 172; enlarged prostates – 8 249; breast implants – 59 350; natural blondes – 3. On top of that it was discovered that 295 Members of Parliament lack cojones. Fascinating information that has the ring of truth. |
Scene setter
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Maybe just once somebody will call me 'Sir' without adding: 'You're making a scene.'"
Tailpiece
Barman: "What can I get you?"
Punter: "A scotch". He downs it.
Barman: "That'll be R15."
Punter: "What? You offered to get me something. You didn't say anything about paying. I owe you nothing."
Lawyer: "I couldn't help overhearing . You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
Barman: "Okay, you caught me. Now get out and don't you ever come back!"
Next day the punter is back.
Barman: "You've got a damned cheek coming in here again."
Punter: "What? I've never in my life been here before."
Barman: "This is uncanny. You must have a double."
Punter: "Thanks. Make it a scotch."
Last word
It's not that we need new ideas, but we need to stop having old ideas. - Edwin Land.
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