It's a mistake
THE SALE of the Washington Post – a national institution to many Americans – to multi-billionaire Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon.com, has rocked the US media.
Bezos is to pay $250 million (R2.5 billion) for the newspaper – run for 80 years by the near-legendary Graham family - which was responsible for the expose of the Watergate scandal in the 1970s. This saw President Richard Nixon driven from office and it seemingly forever coined the suffix "gate" for any kind of political skulduggery (Our latest variant is Guptagate).
Most of the Washington Post old guard, including Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, who were responsible for the Watergate investigation, express sadness mingled with resignation. They say Bezos's deep pockets might rescue the paper, which had begun to lose its way in competition with the internet.
However, satirist Andy Borowitz has some fun with Bezos as an online retailer. Writing in the New Yorker, he says it's all a mistake. Bezos clicked the wrong button, not realising the Washington Post was in his shopping trolley.
He quotes him: "I guess I was just kind of browsing through their website and not paying close attention to what I was doing. No way did I intend to buy anything."
He had been oblivious to his online shopping error, he says, until he saw an unusual charge for $250 million on his American Express statement. This was "pure craziness".
"No way in hell would I buy the Washington Post. I don't even read the Washington Post.
"I keep telling them, I don't know how it got in my cart. I don't want it. It's like they're making it impossible to return it."
Heh, heh!
Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm …
THE CLANS are gathering again for the Midlands Highland Gathering … lassies dancin', laddies tossin' the caber, walkin' the weight, runnin' the kilted mile, heavin' the barrel – all the traditional stuff.
Pipe bands, the local regiments, tug-o'-war, lots of whisky – all the traditional stuff.
Craft stalls, food stalls, beer gardens, lots of whisky – all the traditional stuff.
But this year tradition is slightly amended. Fort Nottingham had become a little cramped for the Gathering. This year – the date is Saturday, August 24 – it will be at Michaelhouse, Balgowan, which is more accessible and less likely, if the weather's bad, to have cars needing to be pulled out of the mire by tractors.
Michaelhouse is not far from Fort Nottingham but much more easily reached. The Patron of the Gathering, Clan Chieftain The Maclaine of Loch Buie – that's his title but we call him Drambuie – says this year's event promises to be bigger and better than ever and a barrel of fun. Non-Scots are welcome, even Sassenachs. And it's all in aid of charity.
There where the hills are sleeping
Now feel the blood a-leaping
High as the spirits of the old highland men …
Her mood
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she's holding a gun, she's probably angry."
Feeling blue
SOME more ponderisms:
· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
· In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
· How is it one careless match can start a bush fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
· Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Tailpiece
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Last word
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips.
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