Ultimate Essex Man
WITH his tattoos and nasal whine, celebrity footballer David Beckham could be considered the ultimate Essex Man, part of the Cockney spillover into that county from the East End of London. Much the same is true of his wife, Victoria.
But now linguistic experts from Manchester University say the couple have changed their mode of speech to sound less working class. They've been comparing current voice recordings with recordings from the early days.
Beckham no longer drops his aitches anything like the way he used to. Victoria now sounds the letter "l" which she often used to drop. The changes have come with their celebrity status and especially since they have been living in America.
It's odd, this inversion of speech mode. Many in Britain have deliberately dropped the genteel Queen's English they were brought up with. Many a toff delights in speaking like a barrow boy, not least Tory Mayor of London Boris Johnson..
Prince Harry has cultivated a positively oikish accent, possibly to sound like the rest of the lads in the barracks.
Cor lumme lovaduck! Wot next?
Presidents gather
FOUR former US presidents and the present incumbent, Barack Obama, gathered in Dallas, Texas, the other day to celebrate the opening of the George W Bush Presidential Library and Museum.
However, says satirist Andy Borowitz, the 11th anniversary of the first library opened by George W Bush was celebrated in January with considerably less pomp.
He quotes the curator of the Guantanamo Bay library on this "hurtful" lack of recognition.
"They say that millions of people are going to visit the George W Bush Library in Dallas every year. On a good day, we're lucky if we see one or two CIA guys in between interrogations, looking for a Tom Clancy novel."
"When was the last time you heard anyone in Washington even say the word 'Guantanamo'?"
The Guantanamo library curator notes that the one in Dallas closes some days. "We're going to be open forever."
Eina!
Slapping tactic
WHALES are clever enough to devise new methods of hunting – and pass on the new ideas to other whales – say scientists in Scotland.
Humpback whales always used to blow bubbles underwater to confuse and herd up the fish they were preying on. Then about 30 years ago one discovered that by whacking its tail on the water surface it could chase other fish off the seabed where they were hiding, making them also available as prey.
The idea spread and today 40% of humpback whales studied use the new technique.
It's not clear what trend these scientists – who are based at St Andrew's University, Scotland - plan to study next in the whales. Maybe skateboarding.
Raining banknotes
IT WAS RAINING money in Belgium the other day. Thieves broke into a private home in the small town of Zedelgem and removed a safe.
When police were alerted and gave chase, the thieves threw the safe out of their getaway car as a distraction. The safe burst open and next thing tens of thousands in Euro banknotes were floating on the breeze.
At which the police had to switch their attention to passers-by who were gleefully filling their pockets.
'Twas jackpot time in Zedelgem.
Ancient locks
A LOCK of hair that belonged to Franz Joseph, last Emperor of Austria-Hungary, has been auctioned in Vienna for €13 720 (R161 000) - more than 20 times the pre-auction estimate.
Franz Joseph ruled from 1848 to 1916. The lock of hair had been given to his valet, Eugen Ketterl, as a top-up to his salary.
In 2010 a lock of Napoleon Bonaparte's hair was auctioned for the equivalent of R118 000 in New Zealand – quite a bit less.
But then Napoleon was a bit of an upstart. Franz Joseph could trace his lineage to the Holy Roman Empire.
Tailpiece
ELDERLY ladies Ethel and Mabel are breakfasting together.
"Mabel, my dear, why do you have a suppository in your ear?"
"Speak up!"
"Why do you have a suppository in your ear?"
"A suppository in my ear? Oh dear! Now what have I done with my hearing aid?"
Last word
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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