Science gone mad
JAPANESE scientists say they have discovered a drug that stops a man being seduced and led astray by attractive women. Researchers at the universities of Waseda and Kyushu set up a series of honey traps involving 98 men and the photographs of eight highly attractive women.
Some of the sample group were fed an antibiotic called minocycline – which reduces the effect attractive women have on men – and others were given a placebo.
Result: minocycline works. The men on it no longer felt attracted to the women. Those on the placebos felt just the opposite.
This surely is science gone mad. Being seduced by an attractive woman is one of the amenities of life. Who would want to reduce the attractiveness of women? It flies in the face of centuries of art, music, poetry and romantic love. It undermines the cosmetics industry. This could destroy civilisation as we know it.
The crisis requires international action. These experiments must be halted forthwith. The formula for minocycline needs to be destroyed, the project never again revisited. It's reminiscent almost of the mad Nazi doctors with their experiments.
Those deranged Japanese scientists themselves need help. A prolonged course of geisha treatment might be required at the very least, to put them back on the path of socially desirable inquiry.
Memories …
NOSTALGIA overwhelms us as parliament passes a law that will prevent the exposure of corruption, nepotism and incompetence in government; as a draft Bill – not yet before parliament – proposes that the government should be allowed to seize and expropriate property – land, buildings, shares, investments, virtually anything – "in the public interest."
Yes, we'd almost forgotten what it was like living under the Nats.
At the wheel
A VIDEO of an unfortunate woman trying for half an hour to parallel park her car in a Belfast street, in Northern Ireland, has become an internet sensation.
It was captured on a mobile phone as a group of students in a nearby house watched the drama unfold. They uploaded the footage to YouTube. It includes their own raucous laughter and shouts of encouragement . The video has now been viewed more than 700 000 times.
Fie! This is disgraceful! This is sexism at its worst, a puerile reinforcing of the male stereotype of the ineptitude of the female behind the wheel of a car …
But … Oh Boy! The expression on the face of the guy parked in front of her as she kept approaching … the way her reverse manoeuvre kept becoming a three-point turn … Ha, ha! Hee, hee, hee! Hoo, hoo! Oh dear.
Ned Kelly
THE LEGEND of Ned Kelly lingers on. A masked man with a rifle held up a McDonald's in suburban Melbourne, Australia, forcing customers to hand him the contents of their wallets and the manager to empty the till.
But then he put the rifle down on the counter to gather up the cash, at which customers rushed him and wrestled him to the ground. Now Tyler Forsyth has pleaded guilty in the Victoria County Court to counts of armed robbery and possession of an unlicensed firearm.
Yes, the legend lingers but there's something lacking in the execution.
Spice Girl
CUSTOMERS in a London pub had their peace and quiet disturbed when a gingery 40-year-old woman suddenly came in and began belting out the 1996 Spice Girls hit, Say You'll Be There.
She turned out to be Geri Halliwell, a member of the group known as Ginger Spice (though nobody recognised her and one punter offered to pay her to shut up).
But it was all captured on camera and next thing it was on YouTube. It turns out it was a dare.
Hmmm, a dare. That possibly explains the plump, gingery woman who sang My Old Kentucky Home in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s the other night, while performing a striptease.
Tailpiece
A SHIFTY-LOOKING character in kilt and tam o' shanter comes into a London pub, orders a pint and very, very carefully puts down the plastic bag he is carrying.
Barman (suspiciously): "What's that?"
Kilted character: "Six pounds of semtex high explosive."
Barman: "That's OK then. For a moment I thought it might be bagpipes."
Last word
Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.
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