Housebreakers run rampant
DURBAN is under siege. Desperate criminals are entering suburban homes at will, taking whatever they want, terrorising the occupants. They are running amok through the traffic in the city centre. The authorities seem powerless to stop it. These vicious gangs have taken over entire neighbourhoods.
It's captured in a video clip titled Durban's Monkeys, taken originally from the BBC's Animal Planet.
Whatever you might think of vervet monkeys, this is great camera work. The clip shows how - far from being driven away by urbanisation - monkeys have simply adapted to the new habitat and taken advantage of new food resources such as bread bins, fruit delivery lorries and kitchen gardens. Clever little devils they are.
Their major predator, the crowned eagle, has also adapted to the new environment, whether suburban garden or skyscraper. There is some arresting footage of an eagle hunting down a baby vervet then feeding bits of it to its chick in a high-rise city nest. Yep, nature is red in tooth and claw.
Other urban primates are interviewed. Some splutter with rage at the depredations of the monkeys. Others find it hilarious. Yes, a very true reflection of Durban sentiment.
Somewhat unnerving though is that the clip was provided to me by one Nola Mitchell, who is a campanologist – one of a group who ring the church bells every Sunday at St Paul's and St Mary's, Greyville. Have they widened the scope of their recruitment?
Monkeys can be irritating enough. Spare us their being on the bellropes every Sunday morning.
Rugby High Noon
BACK the lads are from Down Under, with six points. You can look at that as the equivalent of a win and a draw. Not too bad, considering. But it should have been 14 points – three wins, two with full points. Eina!
But that's showbiz. Do we start the climb-back at King's Park tomorrow? It's fun living dangerously.
Unfortunately I cannot be there. I have a monster dinner in Maritzburg tonight to celebrate the 150th anniversary of Maritzburg College. It will no doubt be a sedate and decorous affair.
Then tomorrow the annual reunion lunch at the school, followed by rugby against Glenwood. It will be a tough afternoon.
Predictions? We'll moider da bums! That's Glenwood I mean. What the heck, the Bulls as well. We must have a couple of College boys in the Sharks side.
Diplomatic support
THE BRITISH Foreign Office last year handled more than 50 000 inquiries abroad from Brits who found themselves in difficulties. Among those difficulties:
· How to silence a noisy rooster?
· Which is the best place to watch football on telly?
· Translation of a phrase on a tattoo (Rome).
· Poor quality football boots bought in China.
· Information on the colour of a British passport, to settle a wager in Montreal, Canada.
· Information as to the make of watch worn by Royal Navy sailors between 1942 and 1955.
Well, why else do you have a diplomatic service?
Free cartridges
REGULAR correspondent Granny Joan has a problem. The office where she works has always collected empty printer cartridges, which are given to a charity which presumably sells them on to a company for refilling and further resale.
But the staffer who organised all this has left and nobody can remember which charity it was that the cartridges went to.
"So we are now sitting with a big box full of empty cartridges. We would like a charity to have the benefit of them."
So, charities, here's your chance.
Clown force
THE CLOWNS are parachuting in again. Clowns Without Borders – an organisation that sends in the clowns wherever communities are downhearted – will be holding another gig from 5pm this evening in the Corner Café, Glenwood (on the corner of Brand and Cromwell Roads). Suggested donation in support of the Ubuntu Clown Fund: R50.
Tailpiece
PADDY (frantically into the phone): "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
Doctor: "Is this her first child?".
Paddy: "No, you fool! Dis is her husband!"
Last word
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
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