Where the dogs hang ten
IN SAN DIEGO, California, they recently held a dog surfing competition. More than 50 dogs took part, riding their boards in an array of tunics, hats and sunglasses.
The dogs compete in 10-minute heats – sub-divided into small, large and medium categories – and are scored on their best two waves.
Judges look for confidence in the four-legged surfers as well as a long wave ride and a good sense of fashion.
It sounds very jolly. The contest has huge support locally and the proceeds go to the American Society for the Prevention of cruelty to Animals.
What a wonderful idea. Why don't we do the same thing here to raise funds for the SPCA?
I once had an Airedale terrier who was a great surfer, as well as an accomplished skateboarder. Her successor, an Irish terrier, was also a skateboarder – and not bad in a go-kart either – but unfortunately he loathed surfing. When I took him out to the backline, all he would do was go after the catfish.
Dogless right now, I'm thinking about an Irish wolfhound. An Irish wolfhound in sunglasses on a longboard – San Diego, here we come!
Ugly dog
MEANWHILE, also in California, an English entry has won a competition for the World's Ugliest Dog.
Mugly, a Chinese crested dog from Peterborough, had already been judged the ugliest dog in England. At Petaluma he won $1 000, dog biscuits to last a year and the opportunity of a photo-shoot.
Mugly has no hair apart from one eyebrow and a cluster of curly white whiskers. At the contest he was dressed in a glittery top hat and a black velvet Union Jack waistcoat. The other 28 ugly dogs in the contest just didn't stand a chance.
But is there not something terribly perverse in all this? Why deliberately breed such dogs? And why parade them in this way? Why put them in ridiculous garb? It's like looking for Miss Fatty or Miss Bad Breath on South Beach and dressing them from the army surplus store. It's just not on.
When is somebody going to stage a contest for the World's Ugliest Dog-Owner? I'll enter Mugly's owner like a shot.
Big seeds
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener notes in his latest grumpy newsletter that at Wimbledon this year it's like standing under a baobab tree - "big seeds falling."
He also notes the recent statement by Public Enterprises Minister Malusi Gigaba, urging State Owned Enterprises (SOEs) to "invest beyond what their balance sheets afford so that we can stimulate economic activity through the investments of the SOEs".
"Only the Honourable Minister knows what this means but it is likely to be bad news for taxpayers who by definition are the equity shareholders of all SOEs. This arrant nonsense comes hard on the heels of muttering that savers in future might be compelled to place some of their money with the state … none of these ideas for getting the unemployment down and growth up compare with the far simpler one of scrapping the statutes and regulations about the allocation of resources, all of which are predicated on the utterly flawed assumption that there is always someone in charge who knows what is best for you and your money.
"Sadly even the much-admired Finance Minister Gordhan claims to have spotted places in the economy where the markets 'won't go' and so thinks it is sensible to send taxpayer-funded expeditions to explore these obviously dark and unprofitable areas."
Yep, big seeds here as well. Some of them hitting us – bonk! – right on the head.
Print-out
MEANWHILE, I've been going through the exercise of feeding into a super-computer all the info emanating from Midrand last week. It's produced an astonishing print-out.
It's the old parade ground command: "Maakasofjulleloopmaarmoenieloop … nie!"
Tailpiece
I WAS DRIVING along in my car when my boss rang up and said: "You've been promoted." I swerved in shock.
Then he rang again and said: "You've been promoted again." And again I swerved in shock.
He called a third time and said: "You're now managing director." I drove into a tree.
A policeman came up and said: "What happened?"
I said: "I careered off the road."
Last word
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
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