The Idler, Friday, July 13, 2012

Mangaung dynastic marriage?

IS JZ ABOUT to take a new wife? The idea was floated at St Clement's this week by Spyker Koekemoer (aka Pat Smythe) in his review, in the Herman Charles Bosman idiom, of contemporary South Africa.

It seems Spyker has been reading up on English history and the dynastic marriages entered into by Henry VIII. He speculates that dynastic marriage – yet another vrou – might be the way for JZ to cement party unity in the run-up to Mangaung.

Spyker also produced a truly magnificent rendition of Mshini Wami – just as good, people said, as JZ himself.

It was stirring stuff, yet ignorant people were rude enough to laugh. In fact some of them seemed to be wetting their pants.

It's most distressing, this is meant to be serious.

Spyker vir President!

Arid land

SPYKER Koekemoer also read a poem, O My Karoo, on the sheer desperation of life in the arid Karoo.

Die ploeg hy staan

Stom geslaan

hy wag vir die donderwolk

se woorde

Die Karoo – Die Camdeboo

Sy wag ook

Vir die reen … op pad heen

Vol kleur en akkoorde

Die dam hy le bloot

Met niks in sy skoot

Behalwe die skedels van skape

en drome

O my Karoo – My Camdeboo

Jy maak amok

Met die hart

Van 'n Boer

The English translation is nowhere near as evocative:

The plough it stands

Struck dumb

It waits for the thundercloud's

words

The Karoo – The Camdeboo

She also waits

For the rain … on its way

Full of colour and accord

The dam it lies open

With nothing in its lap

Apart from the skulls of sheep

and dreams

O my Karoo – My Camdeboo

You run amok

with the heart

of a Boer.

Hey, good stuff. Not bad for a Soutie from Maritzburg.

Folk tales

VARIETY is a feature of the weekly soiree at St Clement's, dedicated as it is to the arts and to the skills of the vintner.

On Monday Pieter Scholtz and Gisele Turner will tell three folk takes from Africa: Anansi the Spider (Ghana); Unwabu the Chameleon (South Africa); and The Sisters Ayanna and Amina (Somalia).

 

Startling replies

RESEARCH in America into the attitudes of small children toward marriage yields some startling results:

·        How do you decide who to marry? – "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, 10. ·        What is the right age to get married? – "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." - Camille, 10. ·        How can a stranger tell if two people are married? – "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, eight. ·        What do you think your mom and dad have in common? – "Both don't want any more kids."- Lori, eight. ·        What do most people do on a date? – "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." - Lynnette, eight. ·        When is it okay to kiss someone? – "When they're rich." - Pam, seven; "The law says you have to be 18, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." - Curt, seven; "The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." - Howard, eight. ·        Is it better to be single or married? – "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." - Anita, nine. ·        How would the world be different if people didn't get married? – "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" - Kelvin, eight ·        How would you make a marriage work? – "Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck." – Ricky, 10.

 

Tailpiece

A GOOD friend is always there to bail you out of jail. Your best friend is in the cell next door saying: "Damn! That was fun!"

Last word

 

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.

Edna St Vincent Millay