WELL, it's the last roll of the dice. Turn it on tonight and we could still be through to the play-offs. Turn it only half-on and that's the season as good as over. And what an odd season it's been – so many should-have-wons where we picked up a bonus point and stayed on the edges of contention. Only two debacles the whole season. Yet here we are, hanging on by the skin of our teeth.
One of the major should-have-wons was, of course, against the very same Bulls we meet tonight. Can we pull it off this time? Of course we can. We're missing Patrick Lambie, Willem Alberts and Steve Sykes. But then we do have Fransie Steyn, Ryan Kankowski and Pieter-Steph du Toit. Swings and roundabouts. It all depends on the kop and the gees. And the bounce of the ball. We've got the skills and the brawn, no doubt about that. We're firing.
But it's such a close one to call that its impossible without some expert consultation. I refer of course to the suspender belt of Katinka, Ukrainian lead dancer in the Thunder Bar who, when I consulted with her yesterday, absolutely pealed with laughter and assured me that the belt was full of betting slips backing the Sharks.
"Vhy vorry, silly boy?" she said as she snapped at the belt. "Home game! Beesmarck! Be-e-e-est! Fransie Steyn, vot a honeypot! Iss our turn now. All season ve play ze silly boggers, zis time ve play ze clever boggers! You votch Fransie! You votch Vitehead, I luff him! All ze girls, ve got ze moolah on ze Sharks!" (Snap! Snap!)
Well, there we have it. Katinka's suspender belt is seldom wrong. But it's going to be tight, it's going to be a humdinger. We just mustn't give them the chance to turn it on the way they did against the Cheetahs. Let's take it right down to the wire.
Meanwhile, what deplorable goings-on in the Transvaal. I don't know who's to blame in this Mitchell thing but did you ever hear the likes of it? Disciplinary hearings, legal steps – what's happening to rugby? Less than a year ago John Mitchell was the hero of the hour when they trashed us in the Currie Cup final. And did they not trash us again just a couple of weeks ago? Now he's the villain. Hoo boy!
Okay, I've been keeping you in suspense. Yes, I did ask Katinka who she fancies for the July tomorrow. Snap! Snap! "You vant to see my betting sleeps? Only vun hoss in it – Englisk Garden. I got beeg dooble wiz Englisk Garden unt ze Sharks! Hey, payday comink!" Snap! Snap!
Well, there we have it again. But rugby is the immediate focus. Let us gather our thoughts and gird our loins. Let's stay focused. Katinka's right. This time we must play like clever boggers.
See you in the Duikers. Given a favourable result, I'll be the one dancing the cha-cha-cha on the bar counter with the Tattooed Lady.
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