Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Idler, Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Generals on the beat

THERE'S talk that senior police officers – major-generals – might soon be put on the beat, bringing to bear their experience in the fight against crime and correcting a certain top-heaviness in the service.

But why stop at major-generals? Let's get the full generals out there as well. Why not have a few field marshals on patrol? That would frighten the pants off the baddies.

The police service doesn't have field marshals, you say? Well, that's easily resolved surely. Just create a few. In fact, what better way to correct the top-heaviness? Field marshals in patrol vans would balance things out perfectly between those on the beat and those pushing pens in head office.

But for the moment it's major-generals. One imagines the pep talk as one of these takes command of a suburban police station.

I am the very model of a modern major-general,

I've information vegetable, animal and mineral,

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;