What a bang!
AN UNUSUAL feature at King's Park last Saturday was the field gun – I think it was a 25-pounder – that was wheeled onto the field by a group of army personnel just before the Sharks-Barney's Army charity match.
Was the KZN Rugby Union getting tough on crowd control? Was Ian McIntosh – coach of the Barney's Army World XV – going to be fired as a projectile over the East Stand.?
It turned out the gun was there to be fired as a salute as the multi-capped John Smit ran out for probably his last appearance at King's Park, the barrel trained high. And what a thunderous crash it delivered – hundreds of people nearly jumped out of their skins.
I trust it was a blank shell they fired. Otherwise, given the direction the gun was aimed, the folk at the Oysterbox, in Umhlanga, could have had a nasty surprise.
Euro parallels
LATER in the evening it was telly and Greece versus G ermany at football in Euro 2012. What an uncanny parallel with events in the Eurozone. Imagine if Greece had beaten Germany. The tanks could have been rolling by now.
Frau Merkel was there in the stand, leaping for joy at each of Germany's goals. At least she had the tact not to wear one of those spiked Prussian helmets.
Misdirected effort
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener reflects in his latest grumpy newsletter on the disjuncture between the effort put into pursuing the tobacco and liquor industries and into pursuing violent criminals.
He says there is an ever-growing list of restrictions on the sale, advertising and use of cigarettes and liquor.
"When I last checked these were still perfectly legal methods for calming the nerves after dealing with stupidity, and the state happily pockets revenue from their use. Surely there are many other life-threatening dangers which are not the result of free choice, to which the government more urgently ought to be directing its attention.
"We would like to see the perpetrators of violent crime being pursued at least as vigorously as someone who leans over the garden gate with a fag in their mouth and a beer in their hand."
Oz ambush
HOW'S this for an ambush? Dave and Jenny Hudson, of Durban, have sons living in Sydney and Perth, Australia. Son Murray was turning 40 and Dave and Jenny knew his girlfriend, Paula, had organised a surprise party for him. Brother Greg and his wife were flying in from Perth. Friends – former DHS boys – were also arriving from various parts of Oz.
They all arrived at Murray's home and hid in the pantry. When he got home he was told the pantry door was stuck. When he went and pulled at it, brother Greg and his DHS mates tumbled out. Surprise!
But the plot thickens. Dave and Jenny had decided they would gatecrash this surprise party. Unbeknown to any of the folk in Australia they had flown out and booked into a hotel near Murray's home.
On the night of the party, Dave phoned Paula to ask how it was going. Well, she said, and promised to e-mail a video next day.
Then Dave and Jenny strolled into the pub where they were partying. All were were thunderstruck. Then the party started in earnest.
As they always say in New South Wales: "Balke toe!"
Tailpiece
A VENTRILOQUIST is touring Essex. One night doing a show in a small town with his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his routine of dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's people like you that make others think blondes are thick! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general ... pathetically, all in the name of so-called humour!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist starts to apologise. The blonde yells: "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little creep on your lap!"
Last word
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
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