The biltong trail
NEWS from America. Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has begun sprinkling himself with bits of bacon before each campaign appearance. This is according to satirist Andy Borowitz, who says Romney got the idea from the Bacon Sundae now being sold by Burger King.
The idea apparently is that everything is more palatable with bacon on top. The campaign slogan has changed from "Romney: Believe in America" to "Romney: Now with Yummy Bacon."
A girl is quoted saying: "I thought his speech was kind of boring. But he smelled delicious."
What are we to make of this? Look out for our own politicos sprinkling themselves with bits of biltong. Then we'll know the succession contest is getting serious.
The Falklands
IT'S THIRTY years since the Falklands War. That means it's 30 years since the Ingwavuma controversy, when PW Botha inexplicably attempted to cede that district, in the far north-east of this province, to Swaziland.
How does one make the connection? It's because of a curious story that swept briefly through the townships at the time.
The then KwaZulu Government had successfully taken the national government to court over the issue and had the cession set aside. It was just at the time the invading Argentinians had been defeated in the South Atlantic.
Mangosuthu Buthelezi – then head of the KwaZulu Government – made a statement predicting that Ingwavuma would be the Falklands of the National Party.
It was reported on radio. The same newscast mentioned that the Royal Navy task force was on its way back to Britain from the Falklands. People put two and two together and got five – the Brits were coming to take over KwaZulu-Natal and kick out the evil Nats.
But the excitement soon died down. It was the merest mere blip in the flow of history. But an interesting blip nevertheless. The idea seemed to meet with approval.
Las Malvinas
MEANWHILE, Argentina's President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has taken the Falklands/Malvinas case to the United Nations. She accuses the Brits of inflaming the situation by sending a destroyer to the South Atlantic and posting Prince William to the islands as a helicopter rescue pilot.
That last bit surely is a little far-fetched. Prince William is an entirely inoffensive royal. If they'd sent Margaret Thatcher – well, that could be really provocative.
No prizes
No prizes
THE BRITS are to hold a referendum on the Falklands to test whether the inhabitants want to remain a dependency or become part of Argentina.
No prizes for guessing the outcome of that one. No prizes either for guessing that oil exploration in the region could have something to do with the upward ratcheting of tensions.
Familiar names
ZIMBABWE is not just having to import grain. It's having to repackage it as it arrives.
Reason: the grain that is being imported from Zambia – 300 000 tons - is in bags that display the name of the Zambian grower. And the names are familiar – almost all of them are former Zimbabwean commercial farmers who had their land invaded 12 years ago and have since moved to Zambia.
So the grain is being repackaged in bags of the Zimbabwean Grain Marketing Board and the Zambian bags are being destroyed.
They're having difficulty raising the donor funding to pay for the imports from Zambia. Repackaging is an extra cost. But priorities are priorities.
Mudpack
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off."
Yorkies for free
WHO WANTS a Yorkshire terrier for free? A breeder is closing down and has about 50 dogs she needs to find homes, otherwise they will have to be put down.
Anyone interested should phone Karin at 076-9455011.
Tailpiece
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): "Can I address the court? "
Judge: "Of course."
Defendant: "If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?"
Judge:" I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail."
Defendant: "What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?"
Judge: "I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking."
Defendant: "In that case I think you're a son of a bitch."
Last word
She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table.
No comments:
Post a Comment