Eddie's Boo-boo Book
WAS THIS a foreshadowing of The Spear? Back in the sixties I was told the story of how the Mercury was sued for a front page photograph of a society wedding. It was a top hat and tails affair but an unfortunate positioning of the groom's glove as they came out of the church made it appear as if … well, let's say Brett Murray could have drawn his inspiration from this shot.
I'd always thought the story was one of those apocryphal bar-room myths – that is, until I saw Eddie Howie's Boo-boo Book. There the photograph was. The groom could have been doing a kind of fan dance with his top hat.
Eddie – long since departed, dear fellow – was a gruff, pipe-smoking Scot with a wonderful sense of humour. He was chief sub-editor of the Mercury and later features editor of the Daily News.
He kept a scrapbook of typos, double entendres and unfortunate juxtapositionings – boo-boos – that had appeared in the local newspapers. Also telex messages, press telegrams and typed reporters' copy that fortunately didn't make it into print.
The other day I asked his widow, Carolyn, if she still had Eddie's Boo-boo Book. She did. It makes hilarious reading. Some examples:
· "Police are understood to be investigating an advertisement that appeared in the Livestock column in the Natal Witness yesterday advertising the sale of pigs. A senior police officer yesterday declined to comment on the advertisement which gave the Pietermaritzburg Central police charge office telephone number for potential buyers to contact. It was established earlier that several people had telephoned the police station to inquire about the advertisement."
The actual advertisement: "Pigs for sale. Strong fat build. Limited intelligence and uncertain ancestry but excellent beasts for bacon. Realistic price. Reduced for large orders. – Phone Pietermaritzburg 22958."
· "A report received in Lourenco Marques yesterday stated that a baby with two heads and three legs was born to a woman in Lisbon, Portugal, this week. The mother was not identified but the report said that the baby lived for 20 minutes after being born by a Caesarian operation. Apart from the two heads and three legs the baby was normal."
· "The Jersey Breeders Association has announced that a crow belonging to Mr HA Vermaak of Riverview in the Cape has set a new South African butterfat record for senior Jerseys."
· "Today's birthdays: President PW Botha (1916-); Hermann Goering, German Nazi leader (1893-1946)."
Some headlines:
· More nurses mean more beds in use
· Festival sit-in by 600 ends
· All-woman council accepts male member?
And so it goes on. Very funny indeed. This is a record that simply has to be preserved.
More jubilee
BRITISH weekly magazine the Spectator has brought out a special Jubilee edition. The cover shows Queen Elizabeth from behind as she views portraits on the wall of the 12 prime ministers who have served under her – Churchill, Eden, MacMillan, Douglas-Home, Wilson, Heath, Callaghan, Thatcher, Major, Blair, Brown and the current incumbent, Cameron.
What is going through her mind? The portraits are all of them caricatures. They get progressively more grotesque. Blair and Brown are positively demonic. Cameron looks utterly bewildered.
Yes, a lot of us would agree with Her Majesty.
Very clever.
Which witch?
STILL with magazines, Private Eye has on the cover Rebekah Wade, of the splendid red tresses, former chief executive of Rupert Murdoch's News International, a central figure in the Leveson inquiry into the British media and now criminally charged in the phone hacking/police corruption business.
The cover is headed: "SALEM WITCH TRIAL".
"The story so far: It is New England in the Year of Our Lord 2012 and the diabolical goings-on have led to the Witchfinder General being called in to determine who is guilty of bewitching whom. A simple girl, Rebekah, confesses to being a disciple of the Devil, known to all as Murdoch, and begins to denounce the good folk of the town for consorting with the Evil One …"
Oh boy!
Tailpiece
She says: "Let's split the bill."
She's independent.
He says: "Let's split the bill."
He's cheap.
Last word
Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do believe in Art for Art's sake.
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