A soapie
to beat
'em all!
THE Brexit soapie ploughs on – just over three weeks to go now before Britain either jumps off the cliff-edge or parliament votes to accept the rather weird deal that Prime Minister Theresa May has cobbled with the EU.
In either of which case the plot shifts to Ireland and the Good Friday Agreement, where a clause could be triggered requiring a vote on whether Northern Ireland (which voted against Brexit) would rather link up politically with the Republic in the South.
There are complications. The Republic doesn't want to link up with the North, for two reasons mainly. Administration of Northern Ireland costs the Brits about £18 billion a year. Dublin would rather not pick that one up. Also, such an amalgamation would undoubtedly stir up sectarian violence again. Dublin would rather not have to deal with that.
Dublin therefore says it has no intention of establishing a "hard" border with the North. Yet the EU says membership requires that. Theresa May's package has Britain leaving the Customs Union. That requires a hard border in Northern Ireland.
Deadlock! But hey! Next week could see the House of Commons again voting down Theresa May's deal. Also taking control of the Brexit process, ruling out a "no-deal" exit. That would mean extending Article 50, which would otherwise take the Brits out of the EU on the 29th of this month.
And now – background violins! – it seems Theresa May and her negotiators might have changed their minds about an extension. Why? How does this resolve the deadlock? How does it remove the immutable reality of the Northern Irish border and the Good Friday Agreement?
Well, it seems they're hoping that in a couple of years the technology might have been developed to have a hard border that is also simultaneously soft. It's for the techno-whizzes to resolve. Maybe the Druids also. Until then Britain remains (temporarily) in the EU.
Wow! This is some soapie!
Enter French President Emmanuel Macron. He speaks of lies and irresponsibility that could destroy the EU.
"Who told the British people the truth about their post-Brexit future? Who spoke to them about losing access to the EU market? Who mentioned the risks to peace in Ireland of restoring the border? Retreating into nationalism offers nothing; it is rejection without an alternative."
He calls for an overhaul of the EU, a rethinking of all kinds of issues; a "European renaissance", including Britain.
Boo! This is far too sober and sensible for a soap opera.
A SEAFOOD buffet in Huntsville, Alabama, became a war zone, according to Huffiogton Post, when a dispute broke out over crabs' legs.
A party of diners waited a while for their crabs' legs to be served. Maybe the gastric juices were becoming agitated, having an effect on temperament.
No sooner had the dish been served when a dispute broke out. Next thing the diners were using serving tongs like fencing swords, plates were shattering and a gal was whacking the blazes out of a feller.
Arrests were made. Those of us who grew up at Twiggy's Pie Cart in Maritzburg and Mick's Pie Cart in Durban can only shake our heads in sorrow.
Tailpiece
"MY EX-HUSBAND wants to marry me again."
"How flattering."
"Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for."
Last word
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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