Stiffed for
a lousy
six bucks
PRESIDENT Donald Trump's reputation as a dealmaker took a knock when nothing materialised from his summit in Hanoi with North Korean dictator Kim Jung-un. Now, according to the New Yorker, he's been stiffed for six dollars by a McDonald's waitress.
"Capping a singularly disastrous week for the Commander-in-Chief, Donald J Trump stormed out of a Washington McDonald's restaurant on Friday after failing to close a six-dollar Meal Deal at the establishment.
"At approximately 12.30pm, Trump took a break from his designated 'executive time' to travel to the nearby McDonald's, where he placed an order for a Meal Deal consisting of a Quarter Pounder with cheese, fries, Coke, and an apple pie.
"Tracy Klugian, the McDonald's employee who took Trump's order, said that she was aware of Trump's difficulty in closing deals and therefore hiked the price of the Meal Deal to 12 dollars.
"'I really thought he would drive a harder bargain, what with 'The Art of the Deal' and all,' the McDonald's staffer said. 'I was kind of surprised when he just baled.'
"With the McDonald's deal in tatters, one White House aide acknowledged that Trump 'really needs a win right now',"and that he was en route to Arby's."
Yes, this is rascally satirist Andy Borowitz again.
Base jumper Matt McGonagle came close the other day to making a landing that could have been scripted for the old "Looney Tunes" cartoons, according to Huffington Post.
Base jumpers are those fellows who paraglide off high buildings, cliff-edges, towers and other high points.
McGonagle had just leaped from a 100m high antenna in Arizona when the wind took him a little off course and he found himself coming down in a cactus patch.
Desperately manoeuvring and emitting a few cartoon-like squeals, he managed to dodge several crotch-height cacti before coming down safely.
That's all folks!
SCOTTISH grandmother Moira Boxall arrived home after a trip to Australia to discover a small snake curled up inside a shoe in her suitcase, according to Sky News.
The snake had somehow smuggled itself into her baggage for the 14 000km flight from Queensland to Glasgow.
Grandma Boxall called the SPCA who took it away for safekeeping.
It seems these Aussie snakes will stop at nothing to get to the UK. I recall a fellow a few years ago being found to be carrying one though customs and immigration in his Y-fronts. Confusion upon confusion.
THE Bulls at Loftus tomorrow. Let's hope coach Robert has put some itchy-powder in the jockstraps to ensure a livelier performance than last week. But nil desperandum.
In the Six Nations, the one to watch is Wales versus Scotland. Unless Scotland somehow pull a rabbit out of the hat, the Taffys will be well on their way to a Grand Slam.
Tailpiece
THE old pirate and a cabin boy are chatting.
"How did you lose your leg?"
"It were a strong squall that blew me into the water and a shark bit it orf."
"And how did you lose your hand."
"We 'ad a longboat on the river fetchin' fresh water. I put me 'and in and a crocodile bit it orf."
"And your eye?"
"Oi were standin' on deck when a seagull pooped in me oi."
"Really? Seagull poop took your eye out?"
"Well, Oi'd only just 'ad this 'ook fitted."
Last word
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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