Murphy and Van -
ha, ha, it's
osmosis
HOW is it that Murphy and Van der Merwe appear interchangeably in the same jokes? Are they one and the same person? The question arose the other evening at an intellectual discussion group in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties.
It's an intriguing question. One theory put forward is that the name "Murphy" derives from a "Van der Merwe" who sought sanctuary in Ireland from the religious disturbances of the Netherlands in the 17th century. Pronunciation shifted from "Merwe" to "Murphy".
In support of this thesis, John O 'Groats, in the north-east of Scotland, takes its name from Jan de Groot, a Dutchman who operated the ferry from the Scottish mainland to the Orkney Islands.
This linguistic osmosis seems also to be supported by what appear to be quintessentially English names like Fanshawe and Fenwick actually deriving from Van Schoor and Van Wyk.
This happened when Dutch engineers came to England to build the canal system, and stayed on. Hence the Dutch windmills and canal scenes of artist John Constable.
However, the theory that Murphy derives from Van der Merwe seems a little far-fetched. According to Google it derives from the ancient Irish name O Murchadha, meaning "sea warrior". So I'm afraid it's a theory you can tell the O Murchadhas, as in "tell the marines".
Yet a challenge arises. Are there any jokes featuring both Murphy and Van der Merwe simultaneously? Perhaps readers can help.
Meanwhile, an Englishman, an Irishman (Murphy) a Scotsman, a priest, a nun, a rabbi, a Pole and Van der Merwe go into a bar.
Barman: "What's this? Some kind of joke?
I guess that covers all bases for now.
IT IS DISTRESSING to note that Jack Brooksbank, who has just married Princess Eugenie of York, Queen Elizabeth's granddaughter, has no facial tattoos.
In an era where anyone of distinction has such adornment – footballers, cricketers, rappers, rock stars – this surely is retrogressive. I thought the British royal family were modernising, keeping up with the times.
A LOUISIANA man can count himself lucky. The local library have let him off a fine for handing back a book 84 years late, according to Sky News.
His mother took the book out of the Shreve Memorial Library when she was 11 years old. The stamped library card said it was due back on April 14, 1934.
Her son (unnamed in a Facebook post by the library) found the book, Spoon River Anthology, by Edgar Lee Masters, as he was clearing out his parents' home. He returned it because that was what his mother would have wanted.
Very forgetful these Louisiana ladies.
Tailpiece
THEY'RE sitting on a low stone wall holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
"A penny for yer thoughts, Angus."
"Well, Jeanie, I was thinkin' … mebbe it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
She blushes, leans over and pecks him lightly on the cheek. Silence. They gaze out over the loch.
"Anither penny for yer thoughts, Angus."
"Well, I were thinking – mebbe it's aboot time for a wee cuddle."
She blushes again, leans across and cuddles him for a few seconds. Silence. They gaze out over the loch.
"Anither penny for yer thoughts, Angus."
"Well, this time it's more serious …"
Her heart skips a beat.
"Is it not aboot time ye paid me the first two pennies?"
Last word
Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them.
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