Turn out and
support
your team
FLATTERED as I am, I have to refute this wild rumour doing the rounds that I will be on the bench for the Sharks in tomorrow's semi-final at Kings Park. I'm a bit rusty and, besides, our scrumhalves have more than proved themselves in this foreshortened Currie Cup season.
What I will do though – and this should apply to every rugby fan in the province – is be there giving vocal support. Let's get together a crowd to compare with the glory days of yesteryear. It's not every day you are in the Currie Cup semi-final.
What a cracker of a game this is going to be. Our lads showed themselves in Kimberley last week to be the real thing – solid defence; solid in the tight, driving in the rucks and mauls; great handling and enterprise out wide. Also patient – you have to build and build for the breakthrough. The Sharks are very close to being a well-oiled machine that also thinks.
The Lions are always a formidable combination. They have a clutch of returned Boks. They have a score to settle since last at Kings Park.
Er, if the Sharks really want me, I'm in Block G in the main grandstand.
What a game this will be.
Ole, ole, ole!
DURING question time in the British House of Commons this week, the Tories revealed some cheering stats. Unemployment is the lowest it's been in 80 years; wages are rising; foreign investment is increasing; and austerity is being phased out as a government policy.
This is comforting stuff to have tucked under your arm as you leap over the Brexit cliff-edge into the void of uncertainty.
THE police in Toronto, Canada, are looking for a fellow who dived naked into an aquarium shark tank, drawing cheers as well as gasps of concern for his safety from the crowds viewing through the glass sides of the tank, according to Huffington Post.
It happened at Ripley's Aquarium, where this sportsman stripped and dived in. Video shows him swimming naked while a security guard yells at him to get out of the water.
At one point he did get out but dived in again, to cheers from the crowd.
Aquarium visitor Erinn Acland said the shark swimmer seemed "totally relaxed, even laughing". She found it terrifying.
"I don't know what would possess someone to do that. It's totally insane to me. I was scared I was going to witness the death of this guy."
By the time the cops arrived, the fellow had got out untouched, got back into his gear and skedaddled. But they're looking for him with a view to a charge of indecent exposure.
They might find he originates from KwaZulu-Natal. At Umkomaas in days of yore there was a fancy underground restaurant with the feature of large glass windows that looked into a well-lit adjacent swimming pool. The local lads, tanked up after rugby or whatever, would dive in starkers late at night and swim up to the windows to gaze on the diners inside. For the diners it could be quite alarming.
There weren't any sharks in that pool, of course, but quite a lot of conger eels.
Tailpiece
VAN der Merwe goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him: "You're badly overweight."
"I want a second opinion."
"Okay, you're damned ugly as well!"
Last word
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
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