The Idler, Thursday, August 30, 2018

Downing Street boogie   BRITISH prime minister Theresa May has made an unscheduled detour to Durban This follows her spectacular rendition of abandoned Downing Street boogie at the ID Mkhize High School in Gugulethu, Cape Town, on Tuesday. Members of UKZN's Centre for Creative Arts spotted the footage on TV and immediately phoned the British Embassy in Cape Town. "This is amazing talent," said UKZN choreographer Flatfoot Murphy. "We just had to have her for this 20th anniversary of Jomba! the dance spectacular." Mrs May was flown in secret from Cape Town in an RAF jet and taken to the Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre for a late-night audition with some of the cast, attended by a handful of dance afficionados (myself included, ahem). She passed with flying colours and was immediately handed a contract for the rest of the run of Jomba! which ends on September 9. "Never before have I seen such talent, such natural rhythm, such an empathy for the African dance style," said Murphy. "She knocks Barack Obama into a cocked hat. "Okay, the Downing Street boogie is perhaps a little suggestive and naughty, but I think Durban people are grown-up and mature enough to handle it. "This will be Jomba!'s most spectacular presentation ever and it gives credence to Mrs May's commitment to engagement with Africa."   Book on way   Literary news: Raconteur Spyker Koekemoer (aka Pat Smythe) is about to embark on writing a book. Tentative title: "The zuma of my discontent".   Seasonal change Spring is sprung, Da sun is riz; I wonder where da boidies is? Da boids is on da wing. Or so I hoid, But dat's absoid – Da wings is on da boid.   Well, that's The Bronx Spring, generally attributed to Damon Runyan. It will officially be springtime day after tomorrow and reader Dave Holland gives us his Ode to Spring.   Spring, Oh spring, Oh  glorious Spring
What hopes and joy will the  new season bring?
My favourite season  has just begun
Let's hope it's going to be a fabulous one.
When I look back to this time last year
I can remember us all living in daily  fear
Waiting for the next new shocking  revelation
About the man who was  elected to lead our nation.
Thank goodness that chapter is now a thing of the past
Although I wonder just how long the new incumbent will last
After promising expropriation of land without compensation
Does this really bode well for the future of our nation?
The older one gets the more time seems to go by in a flash
Now I might be a bit slow when it comes to the hundred yard dash
But as the Spring arrives and the new summer rapidly beckons
I reckon I'll soon be doing the half minute in twenty five seconds.   Puzzling satire PRESIDENT Donald Trump sends angry tweets about Africa, based on misinformation he's just had from Fox News. Satirist Andy Borowitz waxes lyrical in the New Yorker on an African theme. Are we becoming flavour of the month in the US? Here's Borowitz: "Ostriches across Africa erupted into spontaneous celebrations on Tuesday over the guilty verdict of Donald J Trump's former campaign manager Paul Manafort. "As the verdict was read out in open court, jubilant ostriches broke into what was described as an orgy of running, squawking, and indiscriminate mating. "An emotional ostrich spokesperson called the verdict 'a great day for the entire ostrich species.' "'Waiting for the verdict over the past few days has been incredibly nerve-racking,' the ostrich said. 'Many of us have been glued to the TV. Some of us were too stressed to watch and kept our heads in the sand. But tonight we are all partying.' "According to wildlife officials, ostriches held celebratory rallies in dozens of African capitals, where they were joined by equally delirious pythons." Huh? It reads amusingly, but what exactly is our Andy getting at? Okay, maybe you can say the Yanks were being ostrich-like about the verneukery surrounding Manafort. But African capitals? We sincerely hope Andy has not been indulging in Durban Poison.       Tailpiece   Bank heist: "Hand over the cash or you're geography!" "You mean history?" "Don't change the subject!"   Last word   Never judge a book by its movie. J W Eagan