The Idler, Friday, August 17, 2018

Festival of rugby

'EREWEGO, 'erewego, 'erewego! The Sharks against French club Bordeaux Begles tonight then the Boks against the Jaguares, er Argentina, tomorrow.

The Beagles at Moses Mabhida – we hope there'll be no interference from the lying saucers that have been using the place as a mother ship – Argentina across the road at Kings Park.

It's a Festival of Rugby. The gals of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties have been strumming at their knickers all week in anticipation of a double whammy – a shooting out of the streetlights two nights in a row in the traditional celebratory feu de joie, using catapults fashioned from knicker elastic.

Yes, this could certainly put Durban on the map as a place of rugby fireworks. Where do you perform a Cossack dance at Moses Mabhida? Dunno at this stage – but we'll find a place – you can't keep these Cossacks down. At Kings Park, of course, no problem - it's the Duikers' Club.

We look to some great rugby. The Sharks, of course, will be a rather reduced side from in the Super Rugby competition. A whole lot are in the Bok squad and others are in Japan – but here's a chance for the young bloods and a pointer to the Currie Cup (which many of us still prefer as a competition). And every Bok match from now on is a rehearsal for next year's World Cup.

Let's sock it to them, fellers! Tonight and tomorrow. Stick to the simple formula of ADP – agter die pale.

See you somewhere at Moses Mabhida! See you in the Duikers'!

Ole, ole, ole!

 

Nightmare pursuit

DO YOU ever have the nightmare of being pursued by a baby squirrel? The nightmare became reality in Germany the other day, where a fellow called the police for help.

It happened in Karlsruhe, according to Sky News. The cops received a call: "Help, I'm being pursued by a squirrel."

Officers rushed to the scene reported and, sure enough, there was this fellow running round in circles, a baby squirrel in hot pursuit.

The cops then pursued the squirrel. It would have made great footage – terrified man, baby squirrel, the cops – with an unexpected sequel. One of the cops caught the baby squirrel – at which it fell asleep in his hands.

It seems that baby squirrels who have somehow lost contact with their mum will latch onto the nearest available human as a surrogate, and pursue him if he runs away.

So the Karlsruhe cops now have a baby squirrel. They've adopted him as a mascot and named him Karl-Friedrich.

Madame Tussaud's

HOW the world has changed. Madame Tussaud's used to be very much part of an Establishment reaching back through the decades and centuries, the waxwork dummies recording such figures as Napoleon and Nelson, the intelligentsia down the ages, the towering figures of the arts.

 

Now, according to Reuters, it's become more like a Punch and Judy show. Tussaud's in Berlin has just unveiled its latest attraction – a "live" dummy of President Donald Trump punching the face of German Chancellor Angela Merkel, painted on a punch ball on a strong spring.

 

It actually is a live dummy. Trump was measured for Madame Tussaud's in New York back in 1997 when he was still a real estate developer. From that a sillicone mask has been made.

A German actor now puts on that mask for Madame Tussaud's in Berlin and prances about whacking the blazes out of Angela Merkel's likeness, to Money, Money, Money! by Abba.

 

It's a hit with visitors to the gallery, who are highly amused.

 

How the Trump presidency has changed the world.

 

More subtle

 

MIND you, Madame Tussaud's in London used to have – probably still has – a live dummy.

 

This was of one of the gallery's gentlemen ushers, who stood at a certain spot striking a pose and staring fixedly, unblinkingly into space.

 

Visitors would gather round wondering if he were real or a waxwork. As it went on for minute after minute, they would decide he was a waxwork.

 

Then he'd scratch his nose and they'd have hysterics.

 

Somehow this was a bit more subtle than Donald Trump punching Angela Merkel.

 

 

 

 

Tailpiece

HE DRINKS nothing stronger than pop. Mind you, Pop will drink anything.

 

Last word

There is nothing more likely to start disagreement among people or countries than an agreement. - E B White