Sunday, April 15, 2018

The Idler, Tuesday, April 3, 2018

No early inswing


IN THE English Houses of Parliament it was the Gunpowder Plot. More than 400 years later, nobody's forgotten it. At Newlands it was the Sandpaper Plot. How long will we still be talking about it?


We've had players and a coach in tears on TV. The Australian people are genuinely gutted. The rest of the team are struggling with demons. One feels sorry for them (though not sorry enough to wish them a win at The Wanderers).


Questions are being asked. How long had this been going on? What about that recent series where the Aussies demolished England?


Cricket needs a new start. We note that in South Africa's first innings in this fourth Test, there was no early inswing.


Cricket and life


MEANWHILE, reader Mike Gierke, of Mount Edgecombe, quotes Sir Henry Newbolt's Vitai Lampada to remind us that the true spirit of cricket should inform our conduct throughout life.


He writes: "In the wake of the shameful events at the Newlands cricket test one must assume that Bancroft's education did not include English literature."


There's a breathless hush in the Close to-night-

Ten to make and the match to win -
A bumping pitch and a blinding light,
An hour to play and the last man in.
And it's not for the sake of a ribboned coat,
Or the selfish hope of a season's fame,
But his captain's hand on his shoulder smote
'Play up! play up! and play the game! '

This is the word that year by year,
While in her place the school is set,
Every one of her sons must hear,
And none that hears it dare forget.
This they all with a joyful mind
Bear through life like a torch in flame,
And falling fling to the host behind -
'Play up! play up! and play the game!'




CLICK! It resounded all the way from Auckland. The Sharks have at last managed the Big Click, getting into sync the undoubted talents of one of the most exciting sides in Super Rugby.

And some superb running rugby resulted. Ole, ole, ole!

This week Wellington Hurricanes. Hier kom 'n ding!


55 + VAT


THE police were on high alert in Umhlanga over Easter weekend as they monitored a gathering of what was described as "an alarming assortment of the province's worst troublemakers and desperadoes, with a great potential for mischief and anarchy."

The occasion was the getting-together at The George of a huge, unruly mob to celebrate the 70th birthday of Durban publican and restaurateur Bob Humphreys, whose spots over the years have included the Shunters' Arms, The Queen's Tavern, Thirsty's and the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties.

As[G1]  a police source put it: "That's quite a recruiting ground for misbehaviour and hooliganism. We had to take precautions. As it happened, nothing terribly untoward transpired, apart from a lot of vulgarity and noise (mainly from the women).

"Fortunately, these chaps are getting on a bit and after a few pints they're in no state to cause real damage. But we can't take chances, we had the marines on standby. After eight hours of party, we were able to tell them to stand down."







TV footage of the closing of the US consulate in St Petersburg reveals a building remarkably similar to Durban's graceful, Victorian-era old station.

The old station had a steeply sloping roof designed to hold 10m of snow (and it never failed). It was built to an architectural  plan given to the Natal government by Canada.

Did the Canadians perhaps give the same plan to the Tsar of Russia?


Legal terminology


AMERICAN legal language seems to differ from our own. On TV the other day, lawyers were talking about attempts by porn actress Stormy Daniels to "depose" President Trump.

Hello! Had things moved on a bit? But no, it seems all Stormy Daniels was trying to do was get Trump into a witness box. (She failed). The word apparently relates to "deposition".

On the other hand, our local interpretation could be pretty close to the mark.




A TRUCK carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway. Onlookers were stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered and dumbfounded.



Last word

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.

Galileo Galilei






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