Man who lives his job
DYLAN McWilliams, of Colorado, in the US, was bitten by a shark while bodyboarding at Kanai, Hawaii, last week. He managed to swim 30m back to shore, not knowing if he'd lost half his leg.
Fortunately, all he needed was seven stitches in hospital, according to Sky News. It's believed he'd been attacked by a tiger shark about 2m in length.
Dylan is becoming accustomed to stitches. Last year he needed nine in his head after an encounter with a black bear.
He was sleeping outside at a summer camp in Colorado when the bear started biting the back of his head.
He punched it and poked it in the eye, and it loosened its grip and skedaddled.
"I guess I was just in the wrong spot at the wrong time," the 20-year-old says.
Wrong spot, wrong time. Like when he was bitten by a rattlesnake on a hiking trip in Utah a couple of years ago. But the bite was not that severe, he says. He was ill for only a couple of days.
What does Dylan do for a living? He's a survival training instructor.
It figures.
Touchy-feely
THE state visit to the US by President Emmanuel Macron, of France, has revealed an extraordinary personal warmth between he and his counterpart, President Donald Trump.
So much hand-shaking, hand-holding, spontaneous touching and Gallic cheek-rubbing and kissing was there between the two that those of us of old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon mannerism began to feel a little uncomfortable.
Some commentators describe it as a "romance". But that is surely going too far. It's more like current football pitch behaviour.
But who scored the goal?
Ructions ahead
STAND by for ructions today in Britain's House of Commons. The House of Lords has already amended the bill providing for the UK to leave the EU, specifying that it should remain part of the Customs Union – anathema to the Brexiteers.
Today in the Commons they debate a cross-party (Tory and Labour) backbench motion suggesting much the same thing. The outcome will not be binding – but it could be a great pointer to the fate of the Lords' amendment.
The Brexiteers' dilemma is the Northern Ireland border with the Republic of Ireland. This is "soft" – no controls – and practicalities demand that it remain so. The EU has rejected Tory suggestions as to how they could have it both ways.
Ten or so Tories are said to be ready to vote with today's motion. At the best of times Theresa May relies anyway on the Democratic Ulster Unionists to get a majority in the Commons.
Ulster? Yes, that's another name for Northern Ireland.
Could the backbench motion succed - defeat for Theresa May? As the Whitehall political pundits say: Dan sal die poppe dans!
Anything could happen. It's safer to bet on names for William and Kate's new little prince.
Football
MORE FROM Rosemarie Jarski's Great British Wit. Topic: Football.
· We murdered them nil-nil. Bill Shankly.
· The natural state of the football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score. – Nick Hornby.
· Football and cookery are the two most important subjects in this country. – Delia Smith.
· Nature hating a vacuum like the average English mind, it has hastened to fill it with football. – Theodore Dalrymple.
· And now the worst news of all. Gay men are getting interested in football. What a catastrophe. One became homosexual to get away from this sort of thing. – Matthew Parris.
· Let's face it, football is a game for commoners. As soon as you get a mortgage you start liking tennis. – Jonathan Ross.
· I don't know much about football. I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing about football. – Victoria Beckham.
· My doctor told me I should have a complete break from football so I became manager of Wolves. – Tommy Docherty.
· Bobby Robson's natural expression is that of a man who fears he may have left the gas on. – David Lacey.
· I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat. – Ron Atkinson.
Tailpiece
"WOULD you like to dance?"
"I don't like this music and even if I did I wouldn't dance with you."
"I'm sorry, I think you misheard. I said you look fat in that dress."
Last word
The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.
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