Drug analysis challenge
TWENTY-ONE Comrades finishers are being routinely tested for drugs. Such sampling and testing has regrettably become an unavoidable part of athletics these days.
The technology wasn't available back in the 1930s. But imagine if they'd analysed Bill Payn after that famous "up" run which he finished, coming in eighth wearing his rugby boots.
Payn, a legendary DHS schoolmaster who played rugby for Natal and the Springboks and fought in two world wars, had curry and rice at Botha's Hill, then quite a few beers at Drummond.
Then at Harrison Flats a little old lady at the roadside gave him a glass of peach brandy, which he described as the first liquid fuel for jet engines.
Fortunately he was pointed in the direction of Maritzburg and he just let the jet fuel propel him. Then, as he ran up Commercial Road toward the finish, he spotted his wife's family having tea and cake on their veranda. So he stopped off for a cuppa and a some cake, before finishing the race.
Just imagine what kind of blood sample Bill Payn would have produced if they did that kind of thing in those days – traces of curry and rice, beer, peach brandy and tea and cake.
It's the tea and cake that would have really pushed him into the illegal stimulants danger zone.
Payn took off his rugby boots to find his feet a mass of blood blisters.
He got a lift back to Durban on a motorbike pillion and played rugby for Old Collegians next day, wearing tackies.
They just don't make 'em like that these days.
Lashes
HELP! I'm threatened with 50 lashes by a 95-year-old former Wren (Women's Royal Naval Service).
"Don't you dare disparage women naval officers or, as a WRNS cypher officer during World War II, I will order those 5O lashes myself!" says Mary Turnbull, who also tells me she's "almost 96".
It arises from last Friday's piece in which I mentioned Princess Anne's being at the Battle of Jutland commemoration in an admiral's uniform. This somewhat threw me because I'd earlier been sent a deplorable and dismaying image of a nude girl body-painted with a naval officer's uniform.
There was of course no connection between Princess Anne and this other girl – but the coincidence jarred. I carefully emphasised my respect for the British royal family and for the naval hierarchy; I was in no way disparaging the idea of women in naval uniform.
In fact I even pointed out that, as an able seaman on the reserve list of a Commonwealth navy, if she took offence Princess Anne might even be able to order me 50 lashes.
I thought I had everything covered – but now Mary Turnbull threatens me with 50 lashes anyway. These lady officers can be pretty fierce. There's one – a former lieutenant - at Point Yacht Club who bosses me around continually, pulling rank.
But I say no more. I don't want Mary Turnbull to opt for keelhauling.
Parallels
MORE Shakespearean parallels from the Fairest Cape. Foxie, of Constantia, reflects on t5he rallying of support for No 1.
A drum , a drum, Macjake doth come,
What manner of man is this
That hangs his horse in parenthesis?
All hail Macjake - hail to thee, Thane of Nkandla
All hail Macjake - hail to thee, Thane of Amandla
All hail—thou shalt be King hereafter.
Hail! Hail! Hail!
He, he, He!
SABC special
SPYKER Koekemoer (aka Pat Smythe) rallies to the support of the embattled SABC.
"The National Broadcaster, in association with Hlaudi/Cloudy Productions is proud to announce the launch of The Dazzling D Show – Weak End Finance Ministry
"Be amazed as questions get answered that haven't been asked. This week's highlight is a one-sided monologue on employment opportunities, titled – 'There is no job to-o-o-o long or to short." This will be followed by ignoring various issues of national importance. (Local content rules apply)."
Tailpiece
Paddy: "Your honour, can I get dis right? You've found me guilty of defamation for calling Mrs Murphy a pig?"
Magistrate" "That is correct."
Paddy: "Does dis mean dat if I call a pig Mrs Murphy, I'm still guilty of defamation?"
Magistrate: "No, not at all."
Paddy: "I say den to my accuser: Good afternoon Mrs Murphy."
Last word
Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
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