Their finest hour
ABSOLUTE high jinks in the UK as the EU referendum draws into its final full week. There's a run on sterling. Stock exchanges around the world have got the jitters at the possibility of the Brits leaving.
The Tories are clawing at each other like wildcats. The Archbishop of Canterbury has pronounced against leaving. So has the Governor of the Bank of England. So have all kinds of financial institutions.
Boris Johnson, former Mayor of London and figurehead of the "leave" campaign, has featured in TV footage, seriously and deftly filleting a salmon somewhere in Suffolk. This apparently has deep symbolic significance.
Can things ever be the same again? The Tories have been bad-mouthing each other so much it's difficult to see how they can sit again around the same cabinet table.
The opinion polls put the leavers ahead. The bookies give the stayers 62% of the vote. A London Stock Exchange fundi gives them 60%. But it's on a knife-edge.
Can our municipal elections ever hope to measure up to this in terms of entertainment and drama?
This is the finest hour of The Fellows At The End Of The Bar. They are the great pontificators. Everything they pontificate upon is now happening. Gulp!
Tall order
IT'S the moment of truth tomorrow at Ellis Park. Can a silk purse be fashioned from a sow's ear in a matter of a week?
One feels for Allister Coetzee. The Boks last Saturday looked as if they'd rather be at the beach or somewhere. Can they develop in a week an instinct for straight running and driving in the loose with low body posture? To avoid being burgled of the ball when in possession? It's a tall order, but more is nog 'n dag.
Meanwhile, the performance of England in Australia and Wales in New Zealand, along with the Irish here, suggests an invigoration in northern hemisphere rugby. No wonder, with so many of our best playing there at club level.
Seagull
JOHN Burger, of Eshowe, reflects on this week's piece on the orange seagull that has made an appearance in Gloucestershire, England.
"Is there any truth in the rumour that the seagull that fell into the vat of chicken tikka masala and now gives off a delicious aroma has been named a Spice-Gull?"
No, no – the Spice Gulls were a group of female vocalists in England. One of them married the footballer, David Beckham.
Hard sell
MARKETING has changed over the years. Some advertising lines from the 1940s come this way:
· To keep a slender figure no-one can deny … reach for a Lucky instead of a sweet (Lucky Strike cigarettes).
· Men wouldn't look at me when I was skinny but since I gained ten pounds this new, easy way, I have all the dates I want.
· Christmas morning she'll be happier with a Hoover.
· Cocaine Tooth Drops.
· You mean a woman can open it? (Illustrated with a lass holding a bottle of tomato sauce).
· The Ideal Brain Tonic – Coca Cola.
· Guard Against Throat Scratch. Smoke Pall Mall cigarettes.
· How to measure your wife for an ironing table!
· Don't worry, darling, you didn't burn the beer (Schlitz beers).
Today the lynch mobs would be out for some of those copy-writers.
Caledonians
AN EXCERPT from the Durban Caledonian Society newsletter – "Today's Riddle for Seniors: Here's the situation –
"You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop-off. On your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to get out of this dangerous situation?
"Get off the merry-go- round and go home. You've had enough excitement for one day!"
Hoot mon! They sure whoop it up in the Durban Caledonian society.
Tailpiece
"HEY Reub, what's these things buzzin' 'bout my face?"
"Them's hossflies, Jake?"
"Hossflies? What's hossflies, Reub?"
"It's them things you git buzzin' 'bout the rear end of a hoss.
"Is youse sayin', Reub, that I got a face like the rear end of a hoss?"
"I ain't sayin' nothin', Jake. But you cain't fool them hossflies."
Last word
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
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