Jutland commemoration
IT WAS a blend of the sombre and the uplifting as Brits and Germans gathered in St Magnus Cathedral in Kirkwall, on the Scottish isle of Orkney, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the Battle of Jutland in World War I, where almost 9 000 seamen died and dozens of warships were sunk.
Joachim Gauck, President of the Federal Republic of Germany, was there; also Princess Anne and David Cameron representing the Brits.
The Union Jack and the German flag were placed on the altar. Sublime choral work melded with the bugles of the Royal Marines sounding "Sunset". On Sky TV the service shared the screen with live newsreel footage of that dreadful battle in the North Sea.
It's ironic that military historians still can't decide who won and who lost this engagement. The Germans inflicted much more damage, but retreated to port and left the seas to the Brits for the rest of the war.
The overwhelming message was one of human brotherhood – that this will not – cannot - be allowed to happen ever again.
How strange that simultaneously there should be a strong political campaign for the UK to leave the European Union, where the Big Three are the Brits, the Germans and the French.
Admiral Anne
PRINCESS Anne was nattily togged out in the uniform of an admiral. She must surely be the only woman admiral in the world.
Yet the mind whirled at the sight of it. Only days earlier I had been repelled and disgusted by a disgraceful image that arrived by e-mail of a nude girl wearing nothing but body paint depicting a naval uniform, with a naval officer's cap perched on her head and she giving a naval salute.
Of course this had absolutely no connection with Princess Anne – the body paint girl was in American naval uniform anyway – but it was jolting nevertheless to make the involuntary mental connection.
I say no more. I've no wish to be wrongly accused of disparaging women in naval uniform. As an able seaman on the reserve list of the South African Navy – and we being back in the Commonwealth – I might be at risk of Anne ordering me 50 lashes.
Esmeralda
RECENT mention of the wanderings of Huberta the hippo – St Lucia to East London - brings back memories to reader Johan Bouwer of Esmerelda , the hippo that wandered/swam on Lake Kariba, in Zimbabwe, from Chara Bay to Fothergill Island.
"She was quite tame and made herself at home in the little harbour at Fothergill. She would open her mouth wide around the prop of the boat, so you could not start the motor.
"On occasions she would wander to the outdoor dining room, sending guests scattering. She had a fondness for the butter bowls and sugar bowls.
"Late one evening walking back to our chalet with my friend Eric Simons (a gynaecologist ) we came across Esmarelda lying in the path. Closer inspection proved Esmarelda to be a young bull!
"Sadly she had to be put down on nearby Long Island when she opened her mouth over the prop of a motorboat and irresponsible young men started the motor, lacerating her mouth severely."
I know where they should have put that propeller next.
It's odd, Huberta was at first known as Hubert. It was only after "he" was illegally shot that they renamed her Huberta. The same with Esmeralda who turned out to be a young bull.
I suppose lady hippos and gentleman hippos know the difference but with we outsiders it takes a gynaecologist.
See ya later
CCTV cameras picked up an unusual caller at a home in Florida. An alligator came ambling across the lawn, crawled through a flowerbed, got up on the porch and went to the front door.
Then he clambered up the door and, standing on two legs, reached for the doorbell and rang it.
Nobody was home and eventually the alligator went off, disappearing behind the house.
They're not sure whether he was canvassing for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
Tailpiece
A YACHT gets into trouble off the German coast. They radio the coastguard: "Mayday! Mayday! We are sinking!"
The radio crackles into life: "Und vot you sinking about?"
Last word
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.
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