| A name with meaning JANICE Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunae, who lives in Hawaii, has been battling the authorities there for years because her 35-letter surname doesn't fit on the island's ID cards or driver's licences. These official documents have room for only 34 letters and Ms Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele refuses to drop the final "e" because it would be disrespectful to the Hawaiian people. The name means "When there is chaos and confusion, you are one that will stand up and get people to focus in one direction and come out of the chaos." That's pretty snappy and the authorities at last agree with her. They're working on it and by the end of the year Haiwaiian IDs and driver's licences will allow 40 letters for first names and surnames and 35 for middle names. Just as well, otherwise she might have been forced to relocate to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch, in Wales, where they understand such things. Midget prince PRINCE William, Duke of Cambridge and second in line to the British throne, is a pretty lanky fellow. But he looks a midget in the presence of Chinese basketball star Yao Ming, who is a burly seven feet six inches in his socks. William and football celebrity David Beckham have joined Yao Ming in recording two videos that campaign against the trade in illegal wildlife products such as rhino horn, ivory and shark fin. Yao Ming, who is from Shanghai, played for the Houston Rockets in the US but has since retired. The videos were made on behalf of Wild Aid and will be broadcast globally in November, the target audiences being mainly China and Vietnam, which have huge markets for rhino horn and other illegal products. More strength to their elbows. Yao Ming looks as if he could wrestle a rhino. Maybe he could be used to intimidate poachers. Massaged outcome THESE masseurs are getting beyond themselves. In Brazil, a football team's masseur ran on to the pitch and saved two goals to secure his team – Aparecidence - a place in the play-off semi-final of the fourth division. The score had been locked at 2-2 and opponents, Tupi, were firing at the goals when the masseur sneaked onto the field to clear two goal-bound shots. Astonishingly, the match officials took no action and the masseur sprinted away, furious Tupi players aiming kicks at him. Tupi officials now plan to take the matter to court. The mind, senhor, she boggles! High heels sprint WHAT would we do without the Guinness Book of World Records? The latest edition features the world's biggest motorbike, a contortionist who drinks tea with her feet, a lady who has done the world's fastest 100m in high heels – 14.531 seconds – and a goat named Happie who skateboarded for 36m. It's good that somebody is keeping tabs on all this.
AN 80-YEAR-OLD Scot is at the doctor's for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape he's in and asks: "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" "I'm Scottish and I'm a golfer. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee dram of whisky and that's it.' "I'm sure that helps but there has to be more to it than that. How old was your Dad when he died?" "Who says Dad's deed?" "You mean you're 80 and your Dad is still alive? How old is he?" "He's 100. He golfed wi' me this mornin', and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had anither wee dram and that's why he's still alive. He's a Scot and a golfer too. And he takes a wee dram." "How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?' "Who says my Grandad's deed?" "You mean you're 80 and your grandfather's still living? Incredible, how old is he?" "He's 118 years old." "So I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" "No, Grandad couldnae go this mornin' because he was gettin' married the day." "Getting married? At the age of 118? Why would a 118 year-old man want to get married?' "Who says he wanted tae?" | |
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Last word
Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
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