This fearsome steed
ZEBRAS – the donkey in a football jersey – have featured in recent days as people recall distant attempts to domesticate them for use as draught animals. It recalls a legend involving the Royal Natal Carbineers.
It was in the 1920s and the Carbineers – then still a mounted regiment – were in bivouac out in the bundu. The day would begin with the troops drawn up in mounted formation, the colonel's horse out in front facing them, under a horseblanket, held by two grooms.
As the sun rose, the colonel would stride out from breakfast in the mess tent, the grooms would whip away the horseblanket and he would swing into the saddle.
That particular morning the grooms whipped away the horseblanket to reveal – a horse painted with black and white stripes and with a purple mane, dyed with condies crystals.
A fearsome steed, enough to strike terror into the enemy. But not to the liking of the colonel. You do have your tough days in the army when everyone has to suffer.
Farming
TRISH Guilhermino has dug out an old "Farm for sale" ad that perhaps explains the plight of agriculture today. The farm is described as "small, dry, full of debt, non-profitable and far from town." The content follows:
"The reason why farmers in South Africa are in such financial trouble started way back in 1961.
"When our monetary system changed from pounds to rands, my overdraft doubled. I was just getting used to that, when they changed from pounds to kilograms, and my crop was reduced by half.
"The rainfall changed from inches to millimetres and since we have not had an inch of rain.
"What did they do next? They brought in something called Celsius which reduced the temperature by 20 degrees. No wonder my cane doesn't grow anymore. As if that was not enough, they then changed my property from acres to hectares, which reduced my farm to half the original size.
"That was when I decided to sell. I had no sooner put the farm on the market when miles became kilometres and now my farm is so far out of town."
Yes, I've always believed decimalisation/metrication was a pointless debacle. In the old days you could take a girl out to dinner for £1. Try it today for R17 or whatever the rand is now worth.
Democracy
FOLK in the Alaskan town of Talkeetna have found an answer to dissatisfaction with the quality of the people in municipal government – they've voted in a cat as mayor.
The 800 inhabitants of the town were so disgusted by the choice between two candidates for mayor that they voted instead for Mr Stubbs, a yellow tabby belonging to a local storekeeper and so named because he was born without a tail.
This raised constitutional complications – it seems you're not allowed to have a cat as mayor – so Mayor Stubbs had to stand down, though he still has the title Honorary Mayor. He has become a national figure and a tourist attraction.
But now he has been attacked and seriously mauled by a dog. He will survive but the folk of Talkeetna want Secret Service protection for him. The dog they want run out of town, in the best frontier tradition.
Democracy can be a complicated business.
More democracy
A COCONUT is being held by police in the Maldives – the island group in the Indian Ocean - as they investigate allegations that black magic is being used in an attempt to disrupt a bitterly-contested presidential election.
The coconut, bearing inscriptions, was found close to a school which is to be used as a polling station on the remote atoll, Guraidhoo. Black magic is often used through coconuts that have been inscribed with spells.
But a "ruqyah", or white magician, has been called in to examine the coconut and he declares it is a fake. So the election can go ahead. The national election commission says it will accept responsibility if any voter falls under a spell or becomes ill.
Yes, democracy can be a complicated business.
Tailpiece
"I can tell the day a girl was born just by feeling her breasts."
"You can't."
"Honest."
"Go on then ... try."
Thirty seconds later: "Come on, what day was I born?"
"Yesterday."
Last word
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.
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