Cricket and politics
CRICKET writer Patrick Compton tells of political goings-on Down Under where former Australian fast bowler Nathan Bracken is running as an independent candidate for the federal parliament.
Patrick hopes Bracken will do a little better than another cricketer who took up politics. Former England captain Ted "Lord Edward" Dexter stood as the Tory candidate for Cardiff South-East ,way back in 1964.
Dexter told an audience of dockers and steelworkers that any of them contemplating which school to send their son to should consider Eton because he'd met Old Etonians who were racing correspondents and bookmakers.
Dexter, who owned several Jaguars as well as a couple of racehorses and some greyhounds, told his cloth cap audience he was "one who does work by the sweat of his brow".
Cardiff South-East had been a marginal Labour seat, by a majority of 868. By the time Dexter was done, that majority was almost 8 000.
It seems Dexter's political grasp was not quite as good as his field setting.
We don't have too many examples in this country of cricketers going into politics. Former South African skipper Clive van Ryneveld became an opposition MP in the late 1950s but disappeared from the scene a few years later.
Many years after, the great all-rounder Eddie Barlow was to unsuccessfully contest Simonstown for the Progressive Federal Party.
But cricketers with political aspirations should not be despondent. I wish somebody would persuade Hashim Amla to run for office. He could become our first bearded president since Paul Kruger.
Days of yore
PATRICK is, of course, the son of legendary England batsman Denis Compton and older brother of Richard, whose son Nicky is currently rattling up the runs for Somerset and, on occasion, England. Cricket runs in the family.
Neither Patrick nor Richard went into politics – not in the formal sense anyway – but they did forego the careers they would undoubtedly have had in provincial cricket, and probably higher, by throwing in their lot – this was the apartheid days – with multiracial cricket, which was almost illegal.
They also turned out for many years for the Durban Press XI, where Richard – "the Compton Boy" – was skipper. Others involved included, as wicketkeeper, clan chieftain The Maclaine of Lochbuie – better known as Drambuie – who will be patron at tomorrow's Highland Games at Michaelhouse; and myself as a bowler of deadly legbreaks.
We played such outfits as SA Breweries, the Attorney-General's office, various small country sides and once the RAF Red Arrows (against whom, I modestly record, I took 4 for 32).
But it came to an end when the Compton Boy delivered our bag of kit to Drambuie at these newspaper offices, but left them outside the wrong office door. The kit got sold on a charity jumble sale and the Durban Press XI was no more.
Some call the Compton Boy half-witted. More generously, I say he's erratic.
Monkeybiz
MONKEYS have been much in the news lately, mainly for their depredations and snatching of schoolkids' sandwiches. However, reader J Clendennen sends in a poem (author unknown) that balances things rather.
Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
Discussing things as they all said to be.
Said one to the others: 'Now listen you two
There's a certain rumour that can't be true
That man descended from our noble race.
The very idea is a disgrace.'
'No monkey ever deserted his wife
Starved her babies and ruined her life.
And you've never known a mother monk
To leave her babies with others to bunk,
Or pass them on from one to another
Till they scarcely know who is their mother.'
'And another thing you'll never see –
A monk build a fence round a coconut tree
And let the coconut go to waste
Forbidding all other monks to taste.
Why, if I put a fence round a coconut tree
Starvation would force you to steal from me.'
'Here's another thing a monk won't do –
Go out at night, or get in a stew.
Or use a gun or club or knife
To take another monkey's life.
Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss,
But brothers he didn't descend from us.'
Tailpiece
"MEN ARE good for only one thing."
"True. But how often do you need to parallel park?"
Last word
The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
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