Trumpet ventriloquist controversy
CONTROVERSY rages. American singer Beyonce lip-synched, pretending to sing for President Obama at his inauguration. All kinds of people are now saying pop stars do this regularly at their gigs. Is this a verneukery?
And where does Colin Howes hide his trumpet? The question arose at a recent Merseyside jazz session where Colin – who has been on the Durban music scene for many years - wowed them as guest vocalist, especially in the snatches where he produced trumpet-like music from his mouth. Most uncanny. Is he some kind of ventriloquist? (And where's the trumpet?)
No, he says, he grew up in deprived economic circumstances on the Bluff and he couldn't afford a trumpet. He just had to make do.
Another great session it was with a second guest vocalist, the diminutive and dynamic Elaine Rodriquez, absolutely knocking them out with I Left My Heart In San Francisco. (She appeared not to be lip-synching).
Then rousing renditions of Take Five and Twelfth Street Rag. Three hours go by so quickly.
Toll irony
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener detects a delightful irony in the protests against imposing tolls on the new roads around Joburg. In his latest grumpy newsletter, he says the collection method relies upon being able to identify each vehicle passing a toll point.
"In order to collect the fees therefore the tolling authority is supposing many things. These include the presence of a valid or indeed any number plate on every vehicle; that the number on the plate is linked to a valid postal address; that their administration and the post office will not drown in the task of despatching tens of thousands of notices daily; and finally that vehicle owners will take a blind bit of notice if and when they get the toll fee invoice.
"Ignoring traffic fines could easily replace wrestling as a widely enjoyed Olympic sport here in South Africa. The reason for not using an extra fuel levy to finance these new roads is probably that revenue raised in this way (like almost all special imposts) disappears into the government's general revenue fund, from where a long list of fiercely argued and higher priority spending needs will loot it long before the road maintenance team can claim their share."
More ring-a-ding
LAST week's piece about my Idler predecessor finding his wife's engagement ring in a bin bag reminds Arshad Moola of a similar incident in the early 1970s.
"My parents were driving from Volksrust to Durban with my Mum's sister. My Mum took her wedding ring, wrapped it in a tissue, handed it to her sister and asked her to keep it in her handbag. My aunt misunderstood and thought my Mum was giving her a tissue to chuck out of the window (those were the days before litter awareness.) This was on the old N3, travelling at least at 100km/h.
"My father turned the car around as soon as they told him of their mistake. They drove back to the spot where the tissue was thrown out and started hunting for it. Amazingly, they were able to find the tissue with the ring still inside."
These gals really need to be more careful. The trouble they cause their menfolk!
Sportswriters
CLIVE Phelps, who used to write a squash column, says he enjoyed Xianthe Exall's poem last week on professional football in the sixties, especially her extolling of the qualities of sports reporters/editors Reg Sweet, Fred Forge, Mike Bradbury and John Holliday – "all talented, dedicated gentlemen."
"I would add to this list Darrell Thomson, sports editor of the Sunday Tribune and a classmate at Maritzburg College."
Agreed. Darrell was not just a great sportswriter, he went to a decent school.
Tailpiece
REUB is being interviewed by the sheriff for the job of deputy.
"Reub, what's one and one?"
"That's 11."
Hey, thinks the sheriff.
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
Hey again. Thinking out of the box!
"Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
"Sheriff, ya got me there."
"Reub, you go home and work on that one a while."
Reub bounces into the poolroom. "Hey guys, I got the job! First day and I'm on a murder case!"
Last word
The old cathedrals are good, but the great blue dome that hangs over everything is better. - Thomas Carlyle
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