An earful of cider
WHAT is one to make of this match-rigging scandal in European football? Europol – the regional equivalent of Interpol – says hundreds of referees, players and other officials are thought to have been involved in match-rigging, mainly in Turkey, Germany and Switzerland.
Europol chief Rob Wainwright says players and officials are targeted by a Singapore-based cartel which places bets that channel huge winnings into Asia.
He says it's not so much the match results that are rigged as incidents during the matches. The cartel will bet, say, on a yellow card being shown to a player in such and such a side at such and such a stage in the game (It sounds very much like the no-ball spot bets placed by certain Pakistani cricketers in England).
But who in his right mind would accept such a bet? Bookies are not babes in the woods. Surely they are able to spot a rigged proposition?
As Damon Runyon put it: "One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the Jack of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not bet this man, for as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an earful of cider."
Quite so. But fortunately rugby is clear of this kind of thing. When I took a spread bet yesterday that at Murrayfield tomorrow the Italians will be pelted with pizzas as they run out onto the pitch for their Six Nations match; a Scots streaker will run out after 20 minutes wearing only a sporran; and the referee will be tackled by an Italian player and stretchered off, 10 minutes from the final whistle – when I placed that bet, the bookie's clerk didn't turn a hair.
King's Park encounter
DAVE Nicholls, of Durban North, agrees with Tuesday's assessment of Louis Luyt as one of South Africa's characters.
"It reminds me of the time when Transvaal had just played Natal. We were enjoying a braai in the car park when one of our group, Fred Sneeden, spotted Louis and I think it may have been Francois Pienaar walking across the field. Fred called out: ' Hey Louis, come here!' To our amazement, Louis did a 90 degree turn and came to our braai. He was most sociable and had a few beers and something to eat with us. We really enjoyed his company. He was a character."
No sweat
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "My doctor told me to start an exercise progamme very gradually, so today I drove past a store selling sweat pants".
Straphangers
BRITAIN'S Prince Charles last week caught a London tube train for the first time in 33 years. He and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, swiped their cards at the entry gates just like anyone else and boarded the Metropolitan Line at Farringdon station and rode one stop to King's Cross, where they alighted.
They were celebrating the 150th anniversary of the London Underground. Their fellow-passengers, unaware of the anniversary, were totally astonished. Had the royal family fallen on hard times?
Charles last travelled on the Tube in 1979 when he opened the first stage of the Jubilee Line. He's missed a lot. On the London tube at rush-hour you meet a lot of gorgeous girls at very close quarters indeed.
Mamphela Ramphele
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, pens some lines on the apparently imminent plunge of Dr Mamphela Ramphele into politics:
A courageous lady called Ramphele,
Has a vision which inspires her, impela!
Says, let's walk together,
Don't fear the weather,
And achieve all the dreams of Mandela.
Tailpiece
AN AUSSIE Sheila is playing golf in Canberra. Following is a group from parliament. The sheila takes a big swing, misses and falls flat on her bottom.
Prime Minister Julia Gillard rushes forward to help her to her feet.
"Thanks a million! Clumsy me!"
"Don't mention it. Just vote for me next election."
The sheila laughs: "I fell on me backside, not me head!"
Last word
Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow.
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