This jolt of terror
WHY THIS jolt of recognition? Why the shudder of horror at the palaeontologists' reconstruction from fossil remains of the actual appearance of Tyrannoneustes lythrodectikos, a creature that existed some 163 million years ago?
Is it some deep, atavistic impulse, going back even further than the way the grunt of a leopard strikes terror today, the way it did for our distant hominid ancestors?
Tyrannoneustes lythrodectikos was not a pretty creature. Resembling a hybrid dolphin and crocodile, it is described as having been a marine "super-predator" with the snout of a dolphin and the teeth of a crocodile. It had pointed, serrated teeth and a large gaping jaw suited to feeding on large-bodied prey.
The fossil of Tyrannoneustes lythrodectikos was found in a clay pit near Peterborough, England, in the 1900s . Only now have palaeontologists at Glasgow University been able to identify, classify and reconstruct it.
They've produced the reconstruction of a snouted, ferocious creature of consummate evil, cunning, greed, strength and voracious appetite – something quite terrifying.
And the jolt of recognition? The instinctive terror? Here we have a virtual replication of a species that has continued to evolve and is multiplying apace as it moves among us. A loathsome snouted creature with serrated teeth and voracious appetite – a super-predator with gaping jaw.
Tyrannoneustes lythrodectikos is quite obviously a close cousin of Tyrannoneustes politicokleptikos, well-known to us all. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
To the point
A PITHY note comes this way:
"Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist,
"While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
"Sincerely,
"Opportunist."
Buoyant market
SEVERAL readers have sent in an item which they say gives them great confidence in the country's future. Apparently seen in the parking lot of the ANC's conference in Mangaung late last year were:
· 106 BMW X5s.
· 28 Range Rover Sports.
· 211 BMW 5 or 7 series sedans.
· 11 Maserratis.
· 103 Mercedes Benz sedans.
· 6 Hummers.
· 9 Ferraris.
Yes indeed. The retail car sector looks to be in great shape.
Horseburgers
THE SCANDAL in Britain of horsemeat in the hamburgers continues to cause as much merriment as revulsion:
· If you think Tesco's horseburgers are bad, you should try Asda's quarter-pandas
· A cow walks into a bar. Barman: "Why the long face?" Cow: "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"
· I've just heard they've found horsemeat in Tesco burgers. What are the odds on that?
· I selected some burgers on the Tesco website Then I clicked on "Add to cart".
Tap on shoulder
WHAT would your reaction be if somebody tapped you on the shoulder at a railway station and invited you to join an orchestra? I think most of us would be somewhere between disconcerted and alarmed – even if we did happen to be carrying a violin case.
Yet that's exactly what a fellow has been doing on the London Underground. Shaun Buswell has recruited a 70-person orchestra in this way to play for charity.
He approached about 300 people, all unknown to him but carrying some kind of musical instrument. The only instrument lacking by the time the 70 played together recently at the Shepherds Bush Empire Theatre was an English horn.
Lots of South Africans are using the London Underground these days. Did that orchestra include a sakkie-sakkie? A vuvuzela perhaps?
New gizmo
TECHNOLOGY news: Apple has announced that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. It will cost between R4 000 and R5 600, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
On the money
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?"
Tailpiece
Last word
It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change. – Charles Darwin.
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