Firing squad politics UK
WHO WOULD be in British politics? There they're dismantling the welfare state as fast as they can. Only the national health service and education are ringfenced. They are doing everything the purple-faced squires and retired major-generals have been demanding for years. Cut the benefits! Get the slackers out to work!
Then an elderly cove known as Lord Young, who is some sort of enterprise adviser to the government, applauds all this and mildly remarks that some people in Britain think the state owes them a living.
This sets the geiger-counters chattering. Whoops! Political fall-out! Next thing Lord Young is out on his ear.
The Tories will do anything to rid themselves of their image as the harsh, uncaring party. Even if it means firing squads for their own when they step ever so slightly out of line.
Politics USA
IN AMERICA, politics has taken an ugly turn following the mid-term elections. Steven Cowan, of Wisconsin, was "fed up with politics" as he sat down to watch on television the popular celebrity dance show, Dancing With The Stars, having taken a few drinks to get himself in the mood.
Then who should he see on the screen but Bristol Palin, daughter of Tea Party figure Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska, who had been prominent on the channels in the run-up to the elections.
This enraged Mr Cowan, who fetched his shotgun and blasted the screen. When his wife, Janice, remonstrated, he pointed the gun at her. She fled and called the police.
A police team surrounded the couple's farmhouse throughout the night and negotiators eventually persuaded Cowan to give himself up. He has been charged with reckless endangerment.
His wife says he was upset that the controversial Sarah Palin's daughter should be dancing on television in spite of her lack of talent.
Some might say the same about Bristol's mum on the national political stage.
Politics Argentina
MEANWHILE, politics has taken a robust turn in Argentina. During a budget debate in the legislature, Graciela Camano and opposition politician Carlos Kunkel had an exchange of words, after which the Senora got up and punched Kunkel in the mouth.
Then she stalked out of the debating chamber. Hell hath no fury ...
The incident was captured on live TV.
There's been only one incident of fisticuffs in our parliament that I can recall. This was when a brawl broke out in the National Assembly as it adjourned. There was once a case in the House of Commons when Northern Irish MP Bernadette Devlin rushed across the floor to pull the hair of Foreign Secretary Geoffrey Howe and scratch his face.
It's not for nothing that the distance across the debating floor in the House of Commons (and our old House of Assembly) is two sword-lengths.
It's different in other parliaments, where the lay-out is semi-circular and proceedings – in France and Italy especially – are often more like tag-wrestling.
Democracy has wonderful variety.
Sweet tooth
HERE'S an idea for Johannesburg restaurateur Kenny Kunene who celebrates his birthday by eating sushi off the bodies of semi-naked ladies. In New York, clothing designers and pastry chefs have teamed up to create edible catwalk outfits.
Models strutted up the catwalk in outfits such as a white chocolate Urban Superwoman and a milk chocolate version of Lara Croft, the video game tough gal archaeologist.
The annual New York Chocolate Show, which is in its 13th year, opened last week at the Metropolitan Pavilion - attracting more than 10 000 chocolate lovers.
Just call him Sweet Tooth Kenny!
Peachy pooch
A CHIHUAHUA named Momo (Peach) has qualified as a police dog in Japan. She will be placed in the handbag of a plainclothes policewoman who will mingle with crowds. Then, at a signal, Momo will emerge to spring at the jugular of pickpockets and muggers.
No, only kidding. The 3kg dog will be part of a search-and-rescue team used for disasters such as earthquakes. Her small size means she will be able to squeeze into places too narrow for dogs such as German shepherds.
The heavy work is still for the rottweilers.
Tailpiece
IF MARTIANS live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus, who lives on Pluto?
Fleas.
Last word
Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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