| Confirmation of Kipling THE BANKS OF the great grey-green, greasy Limpopo River, all set about with fever-trees ... Sky television has a remarkable illustration of Rudyard Kipling's famous Just So story on how the elephant got its trunk after starting out with a nose the size of a boot. A baby elephant in an unidentified part of Africa had been drinking from a waterhole when a crocodile seized it by its trunk. The frightened little elephant's ears flap as it tries to pull its trunk away from the crocodile. As Kipling put it: "Then the Elephant's Child sat back on his little haunches, and pulled, and pulled, and pulled, and his nose began to stretch. And the Crocodile floundered into the water, making it all creamy with great sweeps of his tail, and he pulled, and pulled, and pulled." The baby elephant shown on Sky looked as though it was fighting a losing battle as it spread its legs for balance and pulled back in fright. But once they realised his distress, the elders of the herd moved swiftly to the waterhole and scared off the croc by trumpeting and stamping the ground. Just So. Did anyone ever doubt Kipling's version? Zzzzzzz... HERE'S where you're paid to sleep on the job. A zoo keeper in Finland has had to bed down with a juvenile brown bear for the Nordic winter – which starts about now and lasts for rather a long time – because the bear would otherwise not be able to hibernate. In the wild he would have his mother to hibernate with but the mother is no longer around. The keeper beds down in a small hut in the enclosure of Juuso the young bear, who then settles down to his winter snooze, quite happy. Humans don't hibernate – they have to eat and watch football – so the keeper doesn't stay put the whole time. But he has to be around in case Juuso gets restive. We're not told about the keeper's social life; whether he has a wife and what she thinks of the arrangement. But it does remind me of a farmer just outside Maritzburg who had about a dozen large dogs, all of which slept with him every night on a huge bed he had specially made. The several wives he had all walked out on him. Some people just don't have this slumber bond with animals. Game granny A 77-YEAR-OLD Spanish granny named Montse (she doesn't seem to use a second name) is the world's oldest professional parachutist, according to this news snippet. She's had 903 jumps altogether, all over the world. Other activities have included ski-ing, swimming, trampoline jumping, sailing and windsurfing. Good heavens! When does she do her knitting? Riddle YOU'RE lost and alone in the middle of a vast forest. All you have with you is a soggy matchbox with a couple of broken matches left. |
On the road
A SELECTION of bumper stickers:
· If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the government made so many of them.
· If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
· Horn broken … watch for finger.
· You! Out of the gene pool!
· Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
· Grow your own dope – plant a man!
Tailpiece
A FATHER goes into a toy shop to get something for his daughter's birthday. He asks: "How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?"
Sales assistant: "Which one do you mean, sir? We have Work Out Barbie for R79.95; Shopping Barbie for R79.95; Beach Barbie for R79.95; Disco Barbie for R79.95; Ballerina Barbie for R79.95; Astronaut Barbie for R79.95; Skater Barbie for R79.95; and Divorced Barbie for R809.95".
"Why R809.95 for Divorced Barbie and the others are only R79.95?"
The sales assistant rolls her eyes and sighs: "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends and a key chain made from Ken's Genitalia."
Last word
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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