The great snoop computer
HERE'S a potentially chilling development. A computer technology has been developed between Swiss and American boffins to monitor and measure disenchantment with government.
The computer programme trawls through telephone conversations, e-mails and social networking sites to identify disenchantment.
Now leaving aside the fact that it's doubtful whether any computer anywhere in the world has the capacity to store and process the disenchantment of ordinary people, so great is the volume, let's have a look at how it works.
The Mind Machine Project – developed between Geneva University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology - pinpoints resentment in conversations. It measures decibels and other voice biometrics.
It detects obsessiveness with the individual going back to the same topic over and over, measuring crescendos.
Yeah, right. Walk into any bar and you'll hear the obsessions, the rising crescendos. You don't need any computer programme.
But presumably governments stay out of bars. Presumably they buys and instal the programme so they can keep tabs on potential trouble-makers.
This is too sinister for words. No doubt very expensive too.
And it's unnecessary. There's a simpler and cheaper method. In America it's known as the mid-term elections. In recent days, these have revealed massive disenchantment with government.
Most societies have their own version. In Britain recently, massive disenchantment showed itself in the general election. Next year we have our local government elections. If anyone is feeling disenchanted, he/she has the chance to show it. There's no need for spooky technology.
Let's get back to basics.
The Tea Party
WHAT do we make of the failure by Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell to make it into the US Senate? Would this former witch have enlivened matters with a bit of hocus pocus across the floor, a good old shake-up of Washington with its stuffy ways?
On reflection, perhaps it's as well things have turned out as they did. Innovation is all right, but you can't have a senator sailing in on a broomstick.
Only too real
IT'S A SAD little story this about actor Kirk Abella who was shot dead by a village security guard in the Philippines while filming a scene for a British movie.
Abella was speeding away on a motorcycle with a masked driver and looked too much like the real thing, prompting the security guard to open fire.
The film-makers should come to South Africa. In certain localities all the film crew need do is stake it out and they will get all the heist, getaway and bang-bang! footage they could wish for, all of it totally authentic – and without putting any of their actors at risk
Dearly beloved ...
THE MALDIVE islands are a popular holiday/honeymoon destination, idyllic palm-fringed beaches of white sand, set in a calm turquoise ocean.
They've also become a popular venue for the sentimental renewal of marriage vows. Couples go to the Maldives to lovingly recommit themselves.
But if you do that, make sure the celebrant – as they call him – renewing the vows speaks in your language, or at least you have a reliable interpreter.
It seems celebrants speaking the local language have been having a bit of fun, insulting the loving couples, calling them "pigs" and "producers of bastards", while the other locals struggle to keep a straight face. It gets videoed then posted on YouTube, to great hilarity.
But the authorities have tumbled to it and are furious. A celebrant and a man accused of collaborating with him have been were arrested and banged up in jail awaiting trial. The Maldives government has issued tourist hotels with a set of strict instructions on marriage vow renewal ceremonies, which have become a significant part of the tourism package.
Yes, the original ceremony was unnerving enough. After 30-odd years, who needs to become a comedy star on YouTube?
Helen's good vibes
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, sends in more verse on Julius Malema's description of Helen Zille as a "cockroach".
How well the cockroach survives,
Despite man's anti-roach drives;
So the Youth League's invective
Must be seen in perspective,
Against Helen's positive vibes.
Tailpiece
Teacher: "You never get anything right. What kind of job will you get when you leave school?"
Pupil: "I'll be the weather girl on TV."
Last word
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
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