| It's the computer age ETHEKWINI municipality has a way to go. A man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in New South Wales, Australia) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. He received another bill and threw that one away too.
The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note saying they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail. He phoned them and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.
Next month he decided it was about time he tried out the troublesome gas line, figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.
He phoned the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said they would take care of it. Next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue.
Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake, he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.
Next month he got a bill for $0.00. This also said he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.
Giving in, he mailed the company a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the gas company nothing at all.
A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the bank phoned and asked what he was doing writing a cheque for $0.00. The $0.00 cheque had caused the bank's cheque processing software to fail. It therefore could not process any cheques received from any of their customers that day.
The next month the gas customer received a letter from the company saying his cheque had bounced and he now owed them $0.00. Unless he sent a cheque by return mail, they would take immediate steps to recover the debt. At this point he decided to file a debt harassment claim against the company.
It took nearly two hours to convince the clerks at the local courthouse that he wasn't joking.
The gas company was eventuallyordered to rectify its accounts system, compensate the customer for cheque dishonouring charges, compensate all the bank's other clients whose cheques had bounced and pay the customer $1 500 a month for five months of aggravation.
Moral: Computers can cost you. | |
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Aussie idiom
THIS is the first time I have known the name Mudgee to appear in such a context. Usually it's a part of Australian idiom, an expression of appreciation of a well-endowed sheila.
"Like a set of Mudgee mailbags, mate!"
Zambia patrol
SOME news from Zambia. A young police officer was taking his final exam at police staff training college . Question:
"You are on patrol on the outskirts of Lusaka when an explosion occurs nearby. On investigation you find a large hole has been blown in the road and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants - a man and a woman - are injured. You recognise the woman as the wife of your divisional inspector, who is at present away on a peace-making mission. A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you recognise him as a man who is wanted for armed robbery. Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the birth imminent. Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent dam by the explosion, and he cannot swim.
"Describe in a few words what action you would take."
The officer thought for a moment, picked up his pen and wrote: "I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd."
Tailpiece
EMPEROR Nero: "Why aren't we making any money out of this colisseum?"
Financial adviser: "The lions are eating up all the prophets."
Last word
In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
Andre Maurois
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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