DEAR me, what is this? The two giant squid in the photograph look vaguely familiar. But why are they holding the World Cup cricket trophy? Oh, I see, it's Morne Morkel and Dale Steyn in scuba gear in the Dubai aquarium. It's one of those set-up pictures. Oh, ha,ha,ha! How very droll!
Yes, our cricketers are in Dubai and today they start their first Test against Pakistan. The silly buggers part – Twenty20 and ODI – is over. Now it's the real thing. The bookies are on their cellphones; the Pakistanis are chained to their beds at night. This is real cricket.
They're going into the Dubai autumn, which means it will be about twice as hot as Durban on a real stinker of a day. Whether Dubai has anything like a Kingsmead green mamba remains to be seen.
I happen to know Dubai reasonably well, and I wish I were there to show the fellows round. There's the Paranormal, a nightclub where the gals are very affable and friendly and say things like: "I ruv you wrong time!"
There's the Vic Bar, very upmarket and a place where a Russian/English phrasebook comes in handy as you make acquaintance of the likes of Olga Svingintitzki, formerly of the Bolshoi Ballet and currently engaged in exotic dancing, US dollars only.
Yes, it's a cosmopolitan place. From the accents about, you could think you're in Sydney, in Glasgow, in Auckland, in Dallas or back in South Africa. In some of the shopping malls there are more kugels per square yard than Sandton. If you're very very lucky, you might even meet an Emirati Arab.
But all this is off-duty territory. The fellows must keep their eye on the ball. We watch with anticipation.
And back to rugby. What a season of superlatives it's been. A Currie Cup competition to top them all; victory for Natal in an epic semi-final and an equally epic final. And then the Boks taking Ireland last Saturday in an absolute cliffhanger where it seemed a shame somebody had to lose.
The Bok performance was flawless and it surprised us all, given injuries, lack of practice together and lack of game time, as well as the disastrous point of departure of the Tri-Nations. The Boks have adapted to the new game, and in a hurry. Piet de Snor has done well.
Patrick Lambie has his Bok cap – the first for Michaelhouse – and I understand there is now a flurry of activity at Durban Girls' College to increase their lead, which now stands only at 2-1 (Springboks Wally Clarkson and Pat Lyster were in the Girls' College kindergarten in the 1920s).
How this will be achieved is not clear, though it is rumoured that Fransie Steyn has been offered a post-matric at Girls' College provided he undergoes a sex change. These private schools stop at nothing.
All eyes on Cardiff tomorrow. Three southern hemisphere teams beat three northern hemisphere last week, none of them by a big margin. A pattern builds up for the World Cup.
See you at The Pub With No Name! This time the gals must remember to wear knickers so we can use the elastic to shoot out the streetlights in the Florida Road feu de joie. Crème de menthe all round! Frappe!
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