You can't
fool those
sniffer dogs
DOES stinky cheese confuse and baffle the police sniffer dogs? It would appear not. Two Dutchmen hid half a ton of cannabis among bags of gone-off pizza cheese and tried to smuggle it into England.
But the drugs – worth £5 million (R95m) – were intercepted at Dover and the Dutchmen have been sent to jail, according to Sky News.
Mind you, the Border Force folk had been tipped off and were waiting for them, having intercepted the phone messages of a smuggling ring.
The two smugglers had intended taking their stinky cheese back to the Netherlands and using it again and again, no doubt getting smellier every time.
What an argument for the Brexit people. I'm surprised it hasn't featured prominently in this election campaign in Britain.
Now compare this success against drug smuggling with another case, this time in Australia, where, also according to Sky News, a fellow walked about with marijuana stuck up his nose for 18 years.
It started with this bloke doing time in jail, where he got a visit from his girlfriend who slipped him a balloon stuffed with marijuana. This he pushed up his nose in case the jail authorities found it – he must have had quite a schnozz on him – then couldn't take it out again. Then he believed he'd somehow sniffed back and swallowed the balloon.
He came out of chokey, presumably reunited with his sheila, then went on his way for 18 years, not suspecting he had marijuana up his snout.
But he developed sinus infections, headaches. Eventually he went to the doctors and they discovered that the balloon had developed into what they call a rhinolith - a stone in the nasal cavity, formed as calcium and magnesium salts slowly built up around the rubber. (Rhinolith – huge snout – it figures.)
This was removed. We're not told the street value of the rhinolith.
Big Picture
THE SA Airways crisis encapsulated:
· Quantas – 252 aircraft; 32 500 employees; 129 employees per aircraft
· British Airways – 238 aircraft; 36 832 employees; 156 employees per aircraft.
· SA Airways – 58 aircraft, 55 500 employees; 957 employees per aircraft.
Now extrapolate this to Eskom, Prasa and the other state-owned entities.
You get the Big Picture.
Christmas is coming …
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally I do a turkey, but if it makes them happy …"
Shad biting
LAST week we had a striking picture of the flooded Umgeni pouring into the sea at Blue Lagoon. Now an official update comes this way: "Water levels are so high that the shad are eating mangoes from the trees."
Voracious feeders those shad.
Sentence served?
AN AMERICAN man who is serving a life sentence for murder was rushed to hospital from Iowa State Penitentiary, where his heart stopped beating five times, though he was eventually resuscitated.
Benjamin Schreiber then applied for release as he had served his life sentence, having "died" during the medical emergency, according to Huffington Post.
But the court weren't buying it. You have to be alive to lodge such a plea, they ruled.
Nice try though.
Tailpiece
THIS fellow walks into a bar. The chalked-up food menu says: "A pie, a pint and a kind word - R30".
He orders. He's sitting there with his pie and his pint. He says to the barman: "Where's the kind word?"
"Wouldn't eat that pie if I were you."
Last word
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. - Peter Ustinov
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