Thursday, November 14, 2019

The Idler, Thursday, November 14, 2019

A whole lot

of stonking

going on …

 

OUT of-control wildfires in New South Wales and California … high winds fanning the blaze … cities and towns threatened as never before … floods in England … tornadoes in KwaZulu-Natal … drought in regions accustomed to rain …

The scientists were predicting all this years ago as global temperatures climbed, driven at least in part by a carbonised atmosphere created by industries belching smoke; motor vehicle exhausts; the destruction of rain forest that converts carbon dioxide to oxygen …

The survival of the planet and humankind would be at stake, never mind the disappearance underwater of vast areas of habitation as the polar icecaps melted and sea levels rose, the scientists warned.

But who listens to Fake News put out by scaremongerers? Donald Trump has withdrawn the US from the Paris Climate Accord. He's pushing big for a return to the good ol' days of the 1950s - oil gushers, coal mines, a petroleum-driven world, the kind of thing that made America great.

In this context I recall the words of Durban's Douglas Livingstone, who was an unusual mix of poet and scientist: "If you think you can work against nature, you're going to get stonked."

Looking about the world today, there seems to be quite a bit of stonking going on

 

 

Snake in the sky

 

THE tornado at New Hanover is something absolutely new. I can't recall anything like it in that district before.

Yet at Impendle, not so far away, tornadoes have been occasional visitors over the years. The locals call the phenomenon "the snake in the sky". There have been some scary episodes.

Why Impendle and not (until now) anywhere else? That's where the snake lives, of course. It's got nothing to do with global warming.

 

 

Smarter sex

 

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now tell me which sex is smarter."

 

 

Turkeys invade

COULD these wild turkeys in America be protesting against Thanksgiving next week? They've taken over a neighbourhood in New Jersey, terrorising people, breaking windows and pecking at cars, according to Huffington Post.

It's happening at a retirement village coincidentally called Toms River (a male turkey is a Tom).

"I can't get out of my door," one woman says. "Sometimes I can't get out of my car. They just attack you."

"They're pecking at our car roofs," says another. "Our brand new vehicles. They're pecking at our vehicles."

The turkeys show up around dawn and dusk, flying in rafters of dozens of birds. Inhabitants are agitating for them to be caught and moved elsewhere.

But the local animal welfare people blame the confrontations on over-development, saying the turkeys have been pushed out of their habitat.

To deter the wild turkeys, experts recommend making loud noises and opening and closing umbrellas, which seems to put them off.

It ought to be a lively Thanksgiving at Toms River. Bring your brolly. Loud noises? Nothing indecorous please.

 

Tailpiece

 

BILL Clinton is in a car with a Republican senator and a Democrat Senator. The car is swept into the air by a tornado. Up and up they go until they find themselves in the Land of the Wizard of Oz.

The Republican: "I'm going to ask the Wizard to give me a heart."

The Democrat: "I'm going to ask the Wizard to give me a brain."

Bill Clinton: "Where's Dorothy?"

 

 

Last word

 

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. - Henry Kissinger

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