A year of
WILL this year go down as the ultimate in creepy horror? First the Salisbury poisonings by people convincingly identified as agents of the Russian secret service. Then the Istanbul affair.
A Saudi journalist now working for the Washington Post goes to the Saudi consulate in Istanbul with his fiance. He leave her outside as he goes in to collect some personal papers. He never comes out.
But, according to video footage, a lookalike wearing his clothes later emerges from the rear entrance to the consulate. Tape recordings emerge of a rumpus inside. Also video of various Saudi security personnel arriving in Turkey.
Then it's admitted by the Saudis that the journalist died in the consulate in a "fistfight". At time of writing, no body had been produced.
It's highly embarrassing to the US and British governments who regard Saudi Arabia as a key ally in the Middle East and make a fortune selling them sophisticated armaments.
Now, according to the New Yorker, President Trump has dispatched White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, to Saudi Arabia to provide "essential lying advice and assistance."
"Sources close to Sanders said the press secretary was 'horrified' to discover that lying skills were 'rudimentary at best.'"
Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. Satire doesn't have to be funny.
POLICE dash cams – cameras mounted to video events outside the police car - aim to provide a recording of officers in action.
A police clerk in Fulshear, Texas, was horrified, as he went through footage, to see a gigantic spider creeping up on an officer as he spoke to the driver of a car he had stopped, according to Huffington Post.
But the spider wasn't the monster it appeared to be in the video. It was a tiny fellow crawling across the police car's windscreen. It appeared gigantic only because of the difference in perspective.
The Fulshear Police Department posted the video on Facebook, noting that the supersized spider gave the reviewing clerk "quite the Halloween scare."
MORE than a million toilet flushing systems have been recalled in the US after a spate of cistern explosions caused injuries.
The bursting devices have resulted in property damage of around $710 000 (R10 million) and caused two dozen injuries, including one person who needed foot surgery, NBC News reports.
A foot? I guess it could have been worse. But what was that person doing to injure a foot?
As Confucius puts it: "Man who stand on toilet seat high on pot."
THE Kaiser Chiefs coach hears on the soccer grapevine about a sensational player in Syria whose skills equal Ronaldo's. He flies there and lures him to South Africa.
He's on the bench as Chiefs play Mamelodi Sundowns. By half-time, Sundowns are 2-0 in the lead. The new man is sent on. Within 20 minutes he's scored five goals. Final score: Kaiser Chiefs 5 - Mamelodi Sundowns 2.
The new star phones his mother to tell her about his first game in South Africa. She's chuffed.
"And how was your day, Mum?"
"Not good. Your father was shot and wounded in a hijacking. Your sister was raped and your brother has joined a gang of looters."
"I'm so sorry."
"And so you should be. It's you who persuaded us to come with you to Johannesburg!"
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.