Sunday, November 4, 2018

The Idler, Friday, October 26, 2018


gives the


THE moment of truth approaches. Can the Sharks do it tomorrow at Newlands? Of course they can if they keep up the momentum, keep their heads and absolutely avoid the silly buggers factor (as they did not on their last encounter with Western Province). Just play as they have been – plus that little bit extra.

The Bulls got Province badly shook up last weekend. We've got to keep up the shaking.

As far as excitement goes, the Currie Cup is showing it still is this country's premier rugby competition. May this be a final to remember.

Prediction? To avoid human bias, we at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties fed all the factors into a computer. It rumbled and churned, then spat out a response: "We'll moider da bums!"

At which the gals began strumming their knickers in anticipation of a fashioning of catapults from the elastic for the traditional celebratory feu de joie in which the streetlights are shot out.

'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!


THE Internet does have its quiet corners. The least popular websites have been announced:

·         Belly button fluff collection - January 1978 – Not visited in 15 years.

·         Milli Vanilli Singing Lesson Plan – Please do not visit us we wanna be number one!

·         Allegory of the Pointlessness of Life – A black ball bouncing around a black background.

·         Directory of Nothing – It really is nothing, we can't even link to it.

·         Thighmaster Party Games – So unpopular even the webmaster has not seen it.


A FAT lady in Alaska named Beadnose has won a beauty contest with her "radiant rolls of fabulous flab", according to Sky News.

But don't ask for a date. Beadnose is actually a brown bear who won Fat Bear Week, an annual competition in which visitors to Katmai National Park and Preserve vote on which bear they adjudge to have put on the most weight in the pre-hibernation munch-up on river salmon and berries.

Interestingly enough, it almost coincides with Fat Babes Week here in Durban, a contest in which habitues of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties vote for the damsel who has put on most avoirdupois over the year. Radiant rolls of fabulous flab. Competition is as intense as in Katmai National Park and Preserve, Alaska.


A SELECTION of signs/notices, in English, in foreign countries:

·         In a Rhodes tailor's shop: Order your summer suit now. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation

·         In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

·         In a Nairobi newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

·         In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

·         In a laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

·         In a Czech travel agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

·         An advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

·         Detour road sign in Japan: STOP – Drive Sideways.

·         At a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a woman.

·         In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.



Female patient: "Doctor, where should I put my clothes?"

"Over there – on top of mine."


Last word

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

Friedrich Nietzsche


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