Sunday, November 4, 2018

The Idler, Friday, November 2, 2018



of truth


OH TO BE in England, now the Boks are there … we're already in the run-up to the Rugby World Cup and tomorrow at Twickenham will be a pointer. Can the Boks repeat their performance against the All Blacks at Loftus?

And, if they do, can they this time hold on? That squandering of a 17-point lead in a game they dominated still rankles. It puts a worrying question mark against temperament. Are we really back in the Big League?

England on their home turf will be formidable. Twickenham is more than a rugby stadium, it's a rugby shrine. It draws a massive crowd.

My first visit there, a whole lot of us went onto the field after the game, just for the experience. Two policemen strolled by laughing. "From the colonies by any chance, gentlemen? Come to touch the sacred turf of Twickers?"

That's about it. A great place to perform. A sense of occasion. Let's do it! Do not disappoint the gals of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties who have become accustomed in the Currie Cup to winning ways and are standing by to proffer their knicker elastic for a fashioning of catapults for the traditional celebratory feu de joie in which the streetlights are shot out.

'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!



STILL with rugby, reader Dave Pickford tells us 17 Western Province players are getting contracts in France because "they love Toulouse."



THE Amazing Spider-Man was a comic book superhero, later to appear on film, with climbing and web-making skills gained after he was bitten by a genetically modified spider.

It's not clear where Alain Robert gained his skills but he's been banned by magistrates from climbing any building in Britain after he illegally scaled one of London's tallest towers with no safety gear.

He was arrested after climbing the 202m Heron Tower in a stunt which saw police close the surrounding roads, according to Sky News.

Robert reached the top in about 45 minutes, to cheers from the crowd below. He immediately handed waiting police officers the number of his lawyer.

He has previously scaled the Burj Khalifa, in Dubai, and the Empire State Building in New York. He pleaded guilty to causing a public nuisance at City of London Magistrates' Court.

He was sentenced to 20 weeks' imprisonment, suspended for two years, and ordered to pay £5 500 (R1.03m) compensation to the City of London Police.

That's a pretty stiff fine. Robert was wearing a shirt with a company logo and his lawyer admitted there was "some commercial motivation". Let's hope it covered the 5 500 quid.


MORE English signage in foreign countries:

·         In a Tel Aviv hotel: "If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone and our waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring up your food."


·         In a Tokyo hotel: "We now have sukiyaki restaurant with lodging facilities for those who want to have experiences on Japanese bedding."


·         A signpost in Germany's Black Forest: "It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."


TWO musicians are walking down the street. Says one: "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"

"That was no piccolo, that was my fife."


Last word

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.

W C Fields




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