More creepy clowns
CREEPY clowns have now appeared in Britain, Australia and New Zealand, frightening people the way they have been doing in America.
There have been six sightings in Newcastle, England. All over the place, clowns have burst from bushes and chased people. A woman had one jump on the bonnet of her car and strike a pose.
In Brisbane, a clown chased a woman down the street with a knife. In Hamilton, New Zealand, a woman was assaulted by two men dressed as clowns.
The authorities are alarmed at what appear to be copy-cat incidents reflecting what's being going on in the US, where clowns are walking the streets of various cities in the dead of night with bunches of black balloons; lurking around laundromats; and hanging out in the woods. It's been reported in several states..
Are we in South Africa immune to this weird phenomenon? Inured might be a better word.
For many years the Union Buildings were inhabited by creepy clowns. They disappeared around 1994 but have lately made a come-back.
The SABC is absolutely infested. If Hlaudi's eventual successor should turn out to be a short clown called Tickey, we know we're in real trouble.
Caribbean mystery
HURRICANE Matthew has caused devastation in the Caribbean and, somewhat weakened, wreaked a fair amount of havoc in Cuba, Florida and elsewhere.
But here's a puzzle. More than 800 people have died in Haiti, which not all that long ago suffered horrendously in an earthquake. Aid workers were already there, helping with the earthquake damage. More aid is going in for hurricane damage.
But what about the Dominican Republic that shares the island of Hispaniola with Haiti? It was hit by the same hurricane. Yet you hear little or nothing about it, not on any of the newscasts.
A rare early mention was of four hurricane deaths in the Dominican Republic – at a time there were already several hundred in Haiti.
Is the Dominican Republic somehow sheltered from hurricanes? Are its buildings better constructed, making it safer. Does it have hurricane defences??
Or is it one of those reclusive countries like North Korea, with close to zero news coverage?
It's a mystery.
Exit contagion
STIRRINGS in the Brexit saga in the UK. As the pound plunges in value and it becomes increasingly clear that the whole thing is a leap in the dark, various people are insisting that parliament should have the final say.
Meanwhile, there is speculation that Brexit could prompt all kinds of other exits.
Reader Linda Nel brings us a few: Grexit, Departugal, Italeave, Czechout, Oustria, Finish, Slovakout, Latervia, Byegim.
Only Remanie will stay.
Yes, Brexit is a dreadful word. If the remainers had won, we'd have forgotten it a month ago.
Wine fundis
WINE tasting honesty:
"I'm getting raspberry with hints of freshly baked dough and a chocolate finish."
"I'm getting sloshed."
Shut up!
DID you know there's a government official who routinely tells the people he deals with: "Shut your mouth!"
And nobody takes him to task for it.
Reader Naomi Stapersma spills the beans. It's the fellow at Home Affairs who takes your photograph for passports, ID cards and that sort of thing.
Booze policy
IN HIS latest grumpy newsletter, investment analyst Dr James Greener addresses the question of booze and its effects.
"In government it has been decided that we drink too much booze but the good news is that it's not our fault. Apparently the blame lies with the people who sell us our tipple.
"They should not serve us if, in their view, we have already had enough.
"This of course dovetails neatly into the current climate of not being responsible for one's actions and makes the police's job that much easier as they can simply ask the drunk where he purchased his last toot and arrest the offending shopkeeper or barman.
"The proposed legislation also reinforces the quaint notion that 500m is just far away enough for a school or church-goer not to be tempted by the demon drink.
"But perhaps the most difficult thing to understand is how the twin statistics of our world-beating liquor consumption, and our desperate levels of poverty match up. Someone is fudging the numbers."
Tailpiece
"Can you think of any book that's changed your life?"
"Oh, certainly. My husband's chequebook."
Last word
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
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