Sunday, October 2, 2016

The Idler, Thursday, September 29, 2016

The great debate

THE great presidential TV debate in America continues to reverberate. Donald Trump now says he won't take part in the remaining two debates if Hillary Clinton is there.

Trump says the presence of Clinton was "specifically designed" to distract him from delivering his message to the American people.

"Every time I said something, she would say something back. It was rigged."

He also lambasted the "underhanded tactics" his opponent used during the debate. "She kept on bringing up things I said or did. She is a very nasty person."

Trump also criticised the network's use of a split screen showing both him and Clinton throughout the telecast. "It should have been just me. That way people could have seen how really good my temperament is."

The billionaire said debate organisers had not yet responded to his ultimatum, but he warned that if he does not get assurances in writing that future debates will be "un-rigged, Hillary-wise," he will not participate.

"I have said time and time again that I would only do these debates if I am treated fairly. The only way I can be guaranteed of being treated fairly is if Hillary Clinton is not there."

Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again in the New Yorker. Roll on November 9.

Lighten up!

A BRITISH Empire theme restaurant in Australia has been accused of racism and romanticising the colonial era.

British Colonial Co, which opened in Brisbane in July, celebrates the "stylish days" of the British Empire.

But media reports say its marketing has caused offence and distress to some members of the community.

The restaurant says it is "saddened" by the media reports, according to Huffington Post.

"We are very proud of our brand, dining experience and the loyal clientele we have established. We are therefore upset and saddened by media reports that our brand is causing offence and distress. This certainly was not our intention."

Some folk need to lighten up. Who remembers the British and Middle East Sporting and Dining Club (also known as the Queen's Tavern), right here in Greyville? There were long queues to get in every night. In those queues were people – mostly youngsters – from just about every kind of ethnic/cultural group in multi-ethnic Durban.

I once took some visitors from India to lunch at the British and Middle East. They were entranced by the place.

"This is absolutely authentic," one of them said. "Look at that portrait of Queen Victoria. We could be in India." (There's still a strong overlay of the British Raj in India).

They raved about the curries, again absolutely authentic. How could India be so successfully replicated? They insisted they wanted to meet the chef.

Eventually he was brought in – a hulking Zulu fellow, looking even taller in his white chef's hat. They were bowled over.

In all the years it operated, I never once heard anyone criticise the theme of the Queen's Tavern. (In fact the only jarring note was when they banned my Irish terrier from the bar for bad behaviour). Yeah, those people in Oz need to lighten up.

Spider bite

LIGHTNING doesn't strike twice in the same place. But Australian redback spiders do.

According to the BBC, an Aussie workman – his name is given only as Jordan – had to be rushed to hospital writhing with pain after the spider bit him while on a visit to a building site's portable loo.

Delicacy forbids saying exactly where on the anatomy Jordan was bitten, but the point of the news item is that this was the second time in five months that he's been bitten by a redback spider – whose bite is venomous and painful. Both times it was on a visit to the loo – and he was bitten in exactly the same place.

They don't tell us if it was the same redback spider.

Jordan is recovered and back at work. The nurses at Blacktown Hospital, Sydney, are still reeling with shock.

Tailpiece

 

ACTRESS: "I'd like to commission you to paint me in the nude."

 

Artist Paddy: "Dat's foine. But I'll have to keep me socks on to have somewhere to woipe de brushes."

 

 

Last word

 

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

Ellen DeGeneres

 

 

 

 

 

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