Grand National
TWO slices of homemade bread and about a third of a glass of water. These were our daily rations to last six weeks. We were huddled in a small boat: restaurateur Bob Humphrey; Rick Kingsma, manager of Tina's Hotel, in Kloof; Maureen Dettman, wife of a Vice-Commodore of Royal Natal Yacht Club; food writer and culinary expert the lovely Wanda Hennig; and this humble scribbler.
We were crammed into that little boat to hear an account by Vice-Commodore Keith Brodie of the stirring tale of the Mutiny on the Bounty; how Captain Bligh and his party of loyal men were set adrift by mutineers in the South Seas and sailed for six weeks to East Timor with daily rations of two slices of bread and a third of a glass of water
It was a prelude to something rather different. We were there to judge the potjiekos competition which followed RNYC's annual three-day regatta. Twelve boats had entered the competition. We had 12 tables to visit. That's a lot of potjie.
It's like running the Grand National course at Aintree, with a small meal between each jump. You get to a table and they ply you with wine, liqueurs, various mysterious cocktails – and in one case home-brewed beer – and entres, before getting on to the actual potjie product, most tasty. Then things like delicious home-made ice cream.
Then you move on to another table with wine and so forth, plus the most magnificent bouillabaise – all done in a potjie (no, not the wine).
It's heavy going. You begin to think wistfully of the Mutiny on the Bounty and two slices of bread and a third of a glass of water a day. But you plough on through this bombardment of culinary plenty plus vino. It's astonishing how potjiekos has progressed from campfire fare to something more like five-star.
Then they put us back in that small boat and took us out on the choppy waters of the bay so we could heave up our 12-course lunch that had lasted all afternoon. Er, no I exaggerate. We collapsed glassy-eyed into chairs to await the regatta results.
The potjie competition was won by the boat Southern Storm. A feature of their display was a polling booth where you could vote "Yes" or "No" to Britain's Brexit from the European Union.
Our judging panel voted "No", but I think most of them thought they were being offered breakfast.
No selfies
A MAN in the Indian state of Rajasthan has been bitten by a python after trying to take a selfie with the creature.
The snake had just been removed from a school after being caught by forestry officials, according to India Today. They were holding the python and posing for pictures.
When a man moved in closer for a selfie, the snake lunged at him and bit him on the shoulder.
Quite right too. Pythons value their privacy.
Bluebottles ahoy!
EINA, my ma! Bluebottles have been spotted on British beaches – in Cornwall and the Scilly Isles.
Sightings of the Portuguese man-o'-war in UK waters are rare, the last significant strandings having been being in 2009 and 2012.
But suddenly they're back. Another sign of global warning?
Do they have sea lice in Britain? There's nothing they like better to chow than bluebottles.
Strange justice
AN ITALIAN who hired an under-age prostitute has been jailed for two years and ordered to buy for the 15-year-old girl 30 feminist books and two feminist films, according to the BBC.
This sounds completely nutty. Feminist books and films are heavy going and harsh punishment, to be sure, but why would they be visited upon the victim instead of the perpetrator?
Tailpiece
AN ANTHROPOLOGIST is touring the world filming traditional dances among aboriginal peoples when he hears of the "Butcher Dance" performed by a group on a remote island in the South Pacific.
He travels to the island, finds an interpreter and negotiates with the chieftain for the dance to be performed.
The dancers are gathered in a jungle clearing. The chieftain claps his hands, the cameras start rolling and the dancing and singing begin: "You butcher left arm in, you butcher left arm out …"
Last word
Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.
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