Up in smoke
I'M ASSURED that this account of the law in operation in America is absolutely true.
It happened in Charlotte , North Carolina, where a lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. He said the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious - that he had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued – and won.
The judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. Nevertheless, the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable "fire". It was obliged to pay the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judgment and paid $15 000 (R120 000) to the lawyer.
After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a fine of $24 000.
Well, that's the story of the American Criminal Lawyers' Association - and they're sticking to it.
Softly, softly
A CAT STRAPPED with contraband to help prisoners escape from a jail has been captured by the authorities in Brazil.
The cat was seized by officers after it tried to deliver a mobile phone and tunnel digging tools to inmates at Alagoas jail, in the north-east of the country. It appeared to have been specially trained to repeatedly deliver the items, which were discovered strapped to its stomach.
A bag was filled with saw blades and parts for concrete drilling and for digging tunnels. It also had a mobile phone with battery and charger.
The cat had been seen repeatedly coming and going before the officers realised something was amiss. The prison authorities are now trying to work out who it was assisting.
Cat burglars of the world, unite!
Scottish romance
THE ABOVE somehow connects with a little video that is doing the rounds on the internet. In it a Scots airline passenger protests vigorously to the female drugs squad officer (also a Scot) who is conducting one of those probingly intimate searches involving a rubber glove. He protests that he has already undergone this in London.
"That officer who searched ya – did ya find him handsome?"
"Handsome? What are ya gettin' at? What dae ya mean?"
"He's ma boyfriend. He phoned and told me tae search ya." Then she produces from the search area a small plastic bag. "Look at this! An engagement ring! What a romantic way to propose!"
They have their own way of doing things in Scotland.
Birthday
A LITTLE bird tells me that the Sharks cheerleader girls will be converging on Howick tomorrow to celebrate the birthday of Rob Nicolai, the town's resident astrophysicist/quantum mechanic and towering intellect.
Proceedings will begin with a colloquium on Einstein's Theory of Relativity and wind up with a Cossack dance.
Here's to intellectualism! Splice the mainbrace!
Tailpiece
A CELLPHONE rings in the locker room of the gym. A guy picks it up off the bench and a dialogue ensues.
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the gym?"
"Yes."
"I'm at the mall. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. Gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"How much?"
"Only R10 000."
"Okay, if you like it that much."
" I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. The salesman offered a great trade-in on the BMW."
"How much net?"
"Only R48 000."
"Go for it!"
"Great! But before we hang up … I stopped by the real estate agent. That house we looked at last year- it's on sale again."
"How much?"
"Only R4.2 million."
"Well, go ahead and buy the place."
"OK, sweetie, thanks! I'll see you later. I love you!"
"Bye, I love you too."
He ends the call and holds up the cellphone: "Anyone know whose this is?"
Last word
Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov
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