It's the singing grannies
RUSSIA has chosen a group of peasant grannies to represent the country in the Eurovision Song Contest in May. The Buranovskiye Babushki (Buranova Grannies) saw off some of Russia's leading pop stars at the recent qualifying contest.
They come from the remote Udmurtia region and perform in traditional peasant garb, singing in a mixture of English and Udmurtian, which is a language of the Finno-Ugric group.
I'm surprised they were chosen ahead of President Vladimir Putin, whose rendition of Blueberry Hill took the world by storm last year when he sang with a visiting American jazz group.
It's such a pity we don't qualify in geographic terms for the Eurovision contest. President JZ would be a shoo-in with Awuleth' mshini wami.
Momentous event
A NEW WORLD record in "mattress dominoes" has been established. Eight hundred and fifty people were strapped to mattresses in New Orleans, strategically positioned so that when one was pushed over it would fall on the next, pushing it over, so it would fall on the next one, pushing it over – etcetera etcetera – setting up the effect of a whole lot of falling dominoes.
A Guinness representative was on hand to record this momentous event and hand over a certificate.
The previous record in mattress dominoes had been 550, established in Kortemark, Belgium.
Mattress dominoes is surely is an event we ought to attract for the Moses Mabhida stadium. A full house is guaranteed.
Aiming too high
A BRAZILIAN tried to open a bank account using an identity document bearing the photograph of Oscar-winning actor Jack Nicholson.
Sergio Freire de Barros was arrested in Recife and charged with using false documents and forgery.
To use the photograph of a high profile Hollywood personality like Nicholson was going too far. De Barros would probably have got away with Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse.
Less hectic
TIGER Woods at one stage seriously thought about giving up his career as a professional golfer to join the US Navy's elite Seals special forces group. He apparently visited several naval bases in secret for courses in parachuting, unarmed combat, simulated urban warfare and marksmanship. He was already an accomplished diver.
Woods had a yearning for the military life, according to a book to be released by his former coach, Hank Haney, and wanted to follow in the footsteps of his father, Earl, who had been a special forces combatant in Vietnam. He very nearly gave up golf while at the peak of his career.
When you think of what happened subsequently, life with the Seals – being parachuted into enemy territory, getting into gunfights and so forth – might have turned out a lot less hectic. At any rate, the unarmed combat courses might have helped limit the damage that night Elin went at him with the nine-iron.
Great truths
HERE are some great truths that little children have learned:
· No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
· When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
· If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
· Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
· You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
· Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
· You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
· Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
· The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Bumper sticker
"All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
Absolutely the last
IAN GIBSON Bard of Hillcrest, pens some lines which he says are absolutely the last he will write about Julius Malema.
The nation's in a state of suspense,
Has Malema a last line of defence?
Is it Tokyo and Winnie
To rescue the ninny,
And save him from becoming past-tense?
Tailpiece
"WOW, THAT'S some black eye! Where'd you get it?"
"My wife dropped her keys and said: 'What wrong with me?' It was only after I named six items that I realised the question was rhetorical."
Last word
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
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